Alright, my favorite bands include Brand New, Johnny Cash, Protest The Hero, and AFI... Yet the lyrics I come up with remind me of Hawthorne heights or some similiar ***otry; and I'm nearly 22.

My ideas so far:

  • Read a thick older fiction novel, sparse up my vocabulary.
  • Change my perspective (Vague, I know... Ideas on how to do this?)

Please don't flame me, constructive critiscm would be awesome, or just some tips. I'm JUST starting to write lyrics, and with idols like Jesse Lacey, I'm almost ashamed I spit out lyrics like these.

Bolded parts are supposed to be deep screams/yells, probably by a second/backup vocalist.

Lady you are such a kid
Nearly 24, look what you did
You hurt me, did it smiling
I willingly accepted lying

I fought for love,
you hated my fight
You fulfilled my lusts,
I handed you my trust.

Hit me this last time, so I can get out
This will be the last time I

BLACKOUT my days,
whiteout my life.
You can't love me,
Sorry I tried

Baby now look what you did
Killed the dream, we loved to pretend
Can't bring it back, forget trying
I can't say I love you, that's lying

Asked if I hurt, I said I might
Sorry love, get out of my sight
Done looking in your eyes, they're burnt out
Your soulsearching led to my

BLACKOUT my days
whiteout my life
You can't love me
Sorry I tried.
Please go check out the rules regarding thread titles. After you do feel free to re-post this properly.

Also, if you're looking for lyric tips go browse around the Techniques sub-forum. That's where you'll most likely find the answer. There are already threads in there dealing with expanding your vocabulary and finding new sources of inspiration that should help you. Specifically some of the stickied threads.

Read the rules though.