#1
This is an untitled tune i wrote a while back, and i haven't really got much feedback on it so i figured someone here could help me out :P It is not 100% finished and tweaked but it's enough to get a clear perspective on the song...

Enjoy!


Edit: Forgot to mention that the song sounds best in RSE, if you dont have RSE you might want to raise the volume on the drums!

UPDATE 1: Added a new guitar for the intro, messed around a little with the bass, separated the leads from the rhythm properly, panned the instruments, made verse 2 a bit different. Still needs LOTS of work.

UPDATE 2: Minor fixes, added "groovier" bass to Verse 2. Fixed harmonies in the Final Solo. Edited drums before the Bridge for better transition.
Attachments:
Andre, Acoustic piece (novox).gp5
Andre, Acoustic piece (novox).gp4
Andre, Acoustic piece (novox).mid
Last edited by andre27 at Oct 10, 2009,
#3
Quite impressive mate
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#4
That would be outstanding with a vocal melody. It kept me listening with enthusiasm from beginning to end! The only thing I think felt didn't fit in properly was the first part of the bridge, but the rest of it went well.

Nice job!
9/10
#5
Great song.

The biggest problem was the mixing. Even with RSE on the drums were quite hard to hear. It also wouldn't hurt to pan the guitars a little.

I didn't really care for the harmonization at the end, something about was a little off in my ears, but other than that and the mixing it's a great song.

C4C? First link in my sig
#6
After listening to the intro i thought this was'nt gonna b good but then it picked up and i started enjoying it very well written slightly repetative at some stages but other than that pretty good stuff
#7
It's pretty damn good, there's some great non-heavy metal stuff on UG at the moment which is really great. Good job!

onto the crit. The main problem, (which other posters commented on) is that it's a little generic and repetitive, Add vocals and make the bass play some groove or riffs rather than just playing 8th notes.

C'mon man, think of your bass player, make it interesting for him.
It's amazing what some good bass playing can do for a song.

All the way through the song its very upbeat and intense, Imo a song should be like a movie or a story. You should give the listener a break to think about what they've just heard... or something,

What I'm trying to say is that you need to vary the energy levels of the song, rather than have the whole song powering along at 150km/h. see my edited version.

Put a bridge or something where the second verse is.

Finally, Learn to mix!, Put the mids up on guitars, Bass and treble on bass guitar. and move conflicting frequency instruments slightly apart in the stereo field.

edit: C4C Please!
Attachments:
Andre, Acoustic piece (novox)_ver2.gp5
return 0;

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Last edited by Julz127 at Oct 9, 2009,
#8
The bridge felt a bit off, but really, that's my only complaint; this was really impressive. 9/10.

C4C? The link in my sig is just an intro as of yet, but I need an opinion on it.
#9
Thanks for all the feedback It is all very helpful and i am working on fixing some of the issues right now, so expect an update!

About the repetitiveness of the song: I was hoping a vocal melody could fix that but i haven't really written one yet, I am very well aware of how repetitive it is but it will be solved eventually, or not.

Now to make the bass better (:
#10
Hey thanks for the return crit, I will definitely be working on your suggestions,

Message me when you update this song.

edit: @ Herby190, Dude that's one of the shortest crits I've ever seen, do you really expect a return crit for that?
return 0;

Quote by jsync
And I've eaten at some of Australia's best pizzerias.



SOUNDCLOUD
. com / fancy-elle
Last edited by Julz127 at Oct 9, 2009,
#11
Quote by Julz127
edit: @ Herby190, Dude that's one of the shortest crits I've ever seen, do you really expect a return crit for that?
Lol; sorry, I just didn't feel like there was anything to say. The bridge was really my only complaint, and everything else fell under the category of "impressive".

Edit: Also, at the time, the piece I wanted a crit on was just an intro.
Last edited by herby190 at Oct 12, 2009,
#12
^^ Meh, Fair enough... no hard feelings anyways...

Ok you wanted me to crit it again, so here goes,

It's pretty damn good, You said in your OP that it still needs lots of work, can you elaborate a little on what part so we can take a closer look at them.

But otherwise, the only thing I can think of is adding vocals, keep working on it.

The only things that stand out at the moment that i don't like are the outro solo, id just go all out and shred. something fast, but with melody.

the D# oct chord in the bridge is also annoying me, I'd prefer it went back to the D rather that D#.
return 0;

Quote by jsync
And I've eaten at some of Australia's best pizzerias.



SOUNDCLOUD
. com / fancy-elle
#13
Quote by 169290
After listening to the intro i thought this was'nt gonna b good but then it picked up and i started enjoying it very well written slightly repetative at some stages but other than that pretty good stuff



That's a very interesting topic. But this field is still new to me. It will be grateful if you give me some
more information about it. Thanks in advance.
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#14
wow. the song is very good, i liked the intro very much but you could do good with a couple of slowdowns here and there just to break the tempo a bit. the outro solo, i didnt prefer it much as it didnt quite fit THAT well as you would hope to. as julz pointed out, the D# chord sounds very annoying in the bridge, let it go back to E rather. verse & chorus sound impressive. one thing i would change is the bass, doesnt it get boring for the bass player to play the same old notes in the same old rhythm ?

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1215060
#15
It's not really my usual style, this kind of music where it's pretty much chords to drive a vocal melody, so I can't really get to excited about it. However, this is a very solid song. At first I didn't like the D#s in the bridge but I got over it. I have no complaints, besides maybe some repetitiveness from lack of vocals.. Leads at the end were solid despite simple. Overall, a great job.
#16
I don't think it should end with the solo; it feels like it would work great to go back to the chorus after the solo, instead of fading out. Overall though, I really like this piece.


C4C? Anything from my sig would be great.
#18
He bro thanks for the crit

To begin with this is definitely a BAND song as opposed to the to majority of instrumental guitarwankage on the forums. Sounded kinda 90's style Gin Blossom-y like. Def would sound better with vox.

I think you couldve done more with the solo even if i dont think that an insane solo would be needed (or work) in the song.

Other than that i really liked the song man. No complaints. Nice change of pace from the usual stuff i listen to