#1
v1
Born into a loving family,
That will forever stay with you.
Or so you’ve been told,
With only a decade to live.
You always sat happily,
For ignorance controlled you.
No one could lie to a child,
With only a decade to live.

pre-chorus
You couldn’t see the misery,
You couldn’t hear the fighting,
You couldn’t feel the touch,
Of any helping hands.

chorus
Less than a year is spread out to twelve,
Rocking silently, every day was the same.
At your stage everything felt like a game.

v2
Back around the year ’85,
You stopped your ceaseless kicking.
Your carrier took you to the doctor,
Who said it’s completely normal.
We all wanted you to thrive,
But the clock of life kept ticking.
You never cried or begged or swore,
Even though I was your only pal.

bridge
Isn’t it a crime,
Isn’t it a sin,
To let your son die within?
Care not for yourself,
Care only for others,
Who let their son die within.

v3 (slow)
On yet another night-long visit,
For the same problems again,
You’ll lie in a bed next to a medic,
But you’ll never leave that bed again.
(picking up a bit, but not as much as the other verses)
The man that I wish had missed that visit,
Will decide your fate. Damn that man.
The plug comes out but it’s not a trick,
‘Cause you’ll never leave that bed again.
#2
Quote by The Elf Kicker
v1
Born into a loving family,
That will forever stay with you.
Or so you’ve been told,
With only a decade to live.
You always sat happily,
For ignorance controlled you.
No one could lie to a child,
With only a decade to live.
The content is good but it doesnt really flow very well. at least the way i read it it didnt. also i see what you were trying to do with the rhyme scheme but you missed it with "told" and "child"

pre-chorus
You couldn’t see the misery,
You couldn’t hear the fighting,
You couldn’t feel the touch,
Of any helping hands.
Pretty good. Don't have any complaints.

chorus
Less than a year is spread out to twelve,
Rocking silently, every day was the same.
At your stage everything felt like a game.
Its really short and doesnt seem at all like it'd be a chorus. im not really sure how this would work out

v2
Back around the year ’85,
You stopped your ceaseless kicking.
Your carrier took you to the doctor,
Who said it’s completely normal.
We all wanted you to thrive,
But the clock of life kept ticking.
You never cried or begged or swore,
Even though I was your only pal.
you got the rhyme scheme better this time. "doctor" and "swore" is a stretch though. same with "normal" and "pal." also i just don't like that last line. try to think of something better.


bridge
Isn’t it a crime,
Isn’t it a sin,
To let your son die within?
Care not for yourself,
Care only for others,
Who let their son die within.
a little out of the blue. nothing else in the song really pertains to this. its not bad i dont think, but i dont really think it's necessary.

v3 (slow)
On yet another night-long visit,
For the same problems again,
You’ll lie in a bed next to a medic,
But you’ll never leave that bed again.
(picking up a bit, but not as much as the other verses)
The man that I wish had missed that visit,
Will decide your fate. Damn that man.
The plug comes out but it’s not a trick,
‘Cause you’ll never leave that bed again.
i like this verse. for some reason im not really sure, but i like "you'll never leave that bed again." i can't really think of the words to describe it. i don't like the 6th line though. i'd say change that.


overall i'd say good. minus small changes. i think you're getting better and better with everything you write. so keep writing. main complaint is the chorus. i don't think it's really necessary. same with the bridge. or at least make them different. you could make it just verses. kinda like poetry, no repetition of a stanza. just v1 v2 v3 v4.....
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You can call me Matt