#1
Been a long time since I've posted here. This is a revised version I posted here probably over a year ago that I took down (I think). Anyways, crit for crit.

Our Bones May Be Broken (But Our Spirits Are High)

Those worn out beaten down soles
of the shoes that I've long outgrown
took us down the same path over again
but it never did grow old
Because deep inside of our childish minds
it was different every time
and we didn't care where we went as long as it meant
we could drift away from our boring lives

we were average kids
we were heroes
didn't know defeat
but we knew we couldn't win
never followed suit
but played by the rules
and while life passed us by
we just sat back and waved

we were young too fragile and frail
broken by sticks and stones
but words would never
hurt us
because we were always told
the sky could be our goal
and we always believed
that if we stood tall then we could reach

As the world spun around beneath our feet
Our minds would take us to where we could see
Whatever it was that we wanted to
But no matter how fast we ran
We couldn’t stay behind forever
We knew that one day the world would gain on us

And everyday was a brand new day
But to us it was all the same
The familiar smiles and familiar faces
Passing us with a friendly gaze

And although toys would be broken,
A million tears would be spilled,
It never really mattered because we still had
the dreams we had to fulfill


our hearts were always set
living out those biggest dreams
being happy never meant bragging about
all of our trinkets and things

and although we knew these dreams would never work
we were still content
because we could still just lie back
close our eyes and pretend

we were average kids
we were heroes
didn't know defeat
but we knew we couldn't win
never followed suit
but played by the rules
and while life passed us by
we just sat back
we just sat back
we just sat back
and waved
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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Last edited by RuleBreaker at Oct 6, 2009,
#2
cool :}

have you heard the decemberists or the new pornographers??

in my head it sounds like that
*sing news with the passion of a pistol*
*don't live your life inside a narrow filled with glances*
*thats when she said "i lost control again*
#4
im liking this. It had a really upbeat/optimistic feel to it when i was reading it. these stanzas were perfect length too and it flowed very well.

i def wanna hear the music behind it.
If I don't meet you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one and dont be late.

JWU Baking and Pastry '13
#5
I really like this! I like the:
"And everyday was a brand new day
But to us it was all the same
The familiar smiles and familiar faces
Passing us with a friendly gaze"

And the ending was really good. And I have the same question as gagibson, what kind of music are you putting this to?
#6
Hey Everyone, thanks for the comments. This song is a mellow nostalgic acoustic song. Not particularly sad but not happy sounding either.

I'll try to get some of it recorded soon and up onto my page. I'll let you guys know when that happens, if ever.

Thanks again :]
Whatever it is you do, DO NOT CLICK HERE! ! it will bring the end of the world upon us all!!!! I swear you click it, and you will end o.O
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