#1
Cancer. It’s what started it all. It’s the single word that caused all this trouble. A word and it’s meaning. It’s strange really, how such a seemingly insignificant word can have such an impact on people.

- Hey how’s life?
- Ok I guess, got diagnosed cancerous last week.

And then they flinch, like I’m a contagious monster or something. They old cliché of “I can see it in their eyes” was never quite true for me. Instead I saw it in their body language. Their entire body suddenly became stiff, like an invisible wall was clutching around their mind preventing them from being truly nice, social or even angry at you. It’s the kind of wall that sometimes exists around you when you meet new people, and you don’t quite know what to say. But one thing is certain.

You sure as hell don’t care about them.

Anyhow;
It all started about eight months ago. Eight months ago I was a normal, sort-of happy, human being. Now I’m just as normal, I guess you’d have to define normal but aside from that, and would be just as happy, if it wasn’t for that goddamn cancer. Nothing wrong with cancer per say, everything and everyone is going to die and any way is as good as the other way, except for that the people change. Your entire social life plummits. Your entire LIFE plummits.
Deep, deep down the dark and malicious abyss it goes.


It was a Sunday. Sunday bloody Sunday. Like most people I never liked Sundays, mostly because of the fact that you’ve got five more days of work ahead of you, but also because of the hangovers. This particular Sunday however, there was no hangover. And no five weeks of work ahead of me. I was going abroad, to Australia to be exact and I was multitasking, talking with my friend on the phone at the same time I was packing and planning the trip further.

Then suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my abdominal, it was really weird, like someone was touching and softly poking my insides with a machete-knife. I let out a quick gasp and clutched my stomach. My friend on the phone, Eric, asked what was going on. I couldn’t get much air so I decided to spare the little I had and not answer his question; instead I kept on gasping and clutching harder and harder for every little poke. Eric started getting worried and said he was going to call the ambulance. This time, I grunted for a reply and heard him yell for his girlfriend. I lay down on the ground in what seemed like a fetal position as my stomach started cramping from the ongoing clutching. It went half an hour until I heard someone knock at the door, but I wouldn’t get up. I heard yelling and then an ambulance-team came rushing to me, putting me on a stretcher and carrying me out whilst giving me anesthetics.

So youguys, this is what I thought would be the first page of something i might write. Should I continue?

"Oh my god? What is this place?"

"I'm pretty sure it's hell"
"No guys, this place is far worse, i think its heaven."




#3
Quote by Grindar
If you don't have cancer, don't write about it.

Please.

I'd really prefer some kind of critique(?) on the writing etc, not your moral thoughts on the text. Thank you.

"Oh my god? What is this place?"

"I'm pretty sure it's hell"
"No guys, this place is far worse, i think its heaven."




#5
write a story about something like the land of salamaca before you make the progression to cancer.

edit: I mean in the same story
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Last edited by GuyWhoDoesStuff at Oct 6, 2009,
#6
Quote by TotZ
I'd really prefer some kind of critique(?) on the writing etc, not your moral thoughts on the text. Thank you.


The writing was...okay?

High school level?

It wasn't that interesting, nor suspenseful.

Edit:

Then suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my abdominal, it was really weird, like someone was touching and softly poking my insides with a machete-knife.


What the ****?

Abdominal?

No, it's abs, or abdominal MUSCLES (or area, if you feel like saying that).

"it was really weird"

Really?

Machete-knife?

You mean...a machete? Or a knife? Or a knife that's like a machete? Or vice-versa?

How do you know what it's like to have your insides touched by this strange contraption?

Oh, PS, no one softly pokes you with a knife. Try to find a different example for this feeling.
Last edited by Grindar at Oct 6, 2009,
#7
Quote by Grindar
The writing was...okay?

High school level?

It wasn't that interesting, nor suspenseful.

There you go crankypants! Wasn't so hard?

"Oh my god? What is this place?"

"I'm pretty sure it's hell"
"No guys, this place is far worse, i think its heaven."




#8
Breast cancer or GTFO?

In all seriousness, sounds good. Didn't even realize you were making it up til the end.
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#9
**** man, i thougt you have cancer! Don't do this to me while I'm in the pit.
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#11
cool story bro
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#13
Quote by Grindar
If you don't have cancer, don't write about it.

Please.


Thread is now about how Grindar didnt die...

FROM SUP1R CANSER!
-no sig-
#15
Quote by LazyLatinoRocke
Sounded too cliche.

That was what i was afraid of I'm out boys (and girls?), you have fun!

"Oh my god? What is this place?"

"I'm pretty sure it's hell"
"No guys, this place is far worse, i think its heaven."




#16
I skipped after the first few lines because it sounded like a story, turns out it is.

Don't let your boat be empty, don't be a sunken dream
Don't let the boat regret thee, for what you could have seen

#17
Quote by Al4Project
Thread is now about how Grindar didnt die...

FROM SUP1R CANSER!


Thread should be about how Grindar didn't die from things that would've killed most human beings.
#18
Quote by Blayney
I skipped after the first few lines because it sounded like a story, turns out it is.

Good call?

"Oh my god? What is this place?"

"I'm pretty sure it's hell"
"No guys, this place is far worse, i think its heaven."




#19
Quote by NinjaSlayHuman
I predicted your last question straight up from the style

But yeah, it's written very well. I say keep going.

+1, youre a good writer
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#21
I don't think a person can be cancerous, the cells can be...But I didn't think you'd label a human as cancerous unless they're Boxxy.
#22
It's not bad, I wouldn't go as far with criticising it as 'Grindar'.

Some of the language was a bit sloppy; "it was weird" stood out in this way.

Also "Now I’m just as normal, I guess you’d have to define normal but aside from that, and would be just as happy, if it wasn’t for that goddamn cancer" is a really poor sentence, lose the 'I guess' part and it works but it's not too interesting.

Not bad for a first draft though, no reason why you can't go through it again and improve some of the language and structure a bit; I wouldn't expect something to be perfect on the first write.

Good attempt. But why not start the story eight months ago with the character being happy? It would make the fact that they have cancer more emotive and you could show how their personality/social life changes more effectively.
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#23
dont write about cancer.
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#24
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can i get a tl;dr up in this bitch?


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#27
When I first read it, I thought it was metabolicmaggot all over again.

"I have cancer, can you guys send me money for my treatment?"


In all seriousness, that was some good writing.
#28
Quote by TotZ
Now I’m just as normal, I guess you’d have to define normal but aside from that, and would be just as happy, if it wasn’t for that goddamn cancer.

I didn't like this part, it made me think of scooby doo.

And I would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for that goddamn cancer and that dumb dog
you still have zoiiidbeeeerg
(V) (;,,;) (V)
YOU ALL STILL HAVE ZOIDBERG
Quote by TheBurningFish
It's more shocking to see Tom dressed at all.
Quote by suckersdream
I don't think I've ever actually seen him clothed.
Sexy Peoples Only
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TweetZ
Last edited by GuyWhoDoesStuff at Oct 6, 2009,
#29
Awesome, I liked it. The beginning about other peoples reactions was real good.

...
Is that what cancer actually feels like?
MaKing thE possiBlE...
...totaLlY impossible