#1
a nightly romp
saliva-swapping, tonsil hockey.
a disgusted look.
"babe, are we going to ****ing do this?" (this entire verse is screamed)

into, out of you!
{(you're telling me you feel great.
wanna feel even greater!?) {screamed}

this is not accepted
this is not permitted by those fools(entire verse screamed)

passing time!
are you sure you're mine?
hang up your coat,
the bell has finally rung!

an infinitesimal death (DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT?!)
it won't ever matter (YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED THIS!)
oh wait, you don't feel alright? (I'LL NEVER FEEL RIGHT!)

looks like you were right,(singer 1)
in the end,(screamer)
something couldve stopped this.(screamer+singer)
place the barrel round your mouth(singer)
a small pull gives your wish. (screamer)
with your brain you'll leave a letter(singer)
laced with tissue.(screamer)
an apology, the live you took
that you could've called your child(singer+screamer)


basically, what i was trying, was to make a song, like the fall of troy, in as much as, the odd screaming, interspersed with singing. i also wrote this about my brother, who dated a girl, and after she became pregnant and had an abortion, committed suicide due to depression. intresting backstory, but this song sucks nontheless.

this song sucks, right?
Quote by thanksgiving
That is quite unique...

Quote by navarreguitaris
What? She said "just solder it back together"?


Quote by JacobTheMe

"Hey guys check out this cool penis!"


LOL
#2
Quote by dethklokrulz!
but this song sucks nontheless.

this song sucks, right?



I'm not even going to crit the lyrics, because this is your problem right here. If you start writing the song thinking it's going to suck, and you keep saying it sucks, then it's going to suck. You need to have confidence in your ability as a writer. I, for example, know for a fact that I'm not as good as half the regulars on this site. But I am confident that I can at least write something that doesn't "suck". If I told myself everything I wrote sucked, then I would write things that suck and continue to do so.

Plus, all that matters is if you are satisfied with them or not. Generally in songs like this, the lyrics aren't supposed to be all that deep anyway.

Get over this, and you will have the battle half won.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Quote by Ganoosh
I'm not even going to crit the lyrics, because this is your problem right here. If you start writing the song thinking it's going to suck, and you keep saying it sucks, then it's going to suck. You need to have confidence in your ability as a writer. I, for example, know for a fact that I'm not as good as half the regulars on this site. But I am confident that I can at least write something that doesn't "suck". If I told myself everything I wrote sucked, then I would write things that suck and continue to do so.

Plus, all that matters is if you are satisfied with them or not. Generally in songs like this, the lyrics aren't supposed to be all that deep anyway.

Get over this, and you will have the battle half won.



really? thanks for the advice! I'll try and be a bit positive next time i right a song then, ha ha.

btw, i think you're probably the coolest 09'er on this site. lt. shineysides has nothing on you!
/truthful asskissery
Quote by thanksgiving
That is quite unique...

Quote by navarreguitaris
What? She said "just solder it back together"?


Quote by JacobTheMe

"Hey guys check out this cool penis!"


LOL
Last edited by dethklokrulz! at Oct 6, 2009,