#1
“They’re throwing bottles at your house.
Come on,
lets go break their arms.”


he stands up and i sit down, silently
watch him crunch out the door,
listen to bottles popping against the wall
and hear glass beat skull in a twisted version of
rock, paper, scissors.
teardrop blood splashes on my porch,
hope my dog will lap it up so i don’t have to.
i continue listening to the
drunken symphony of Miller Lite vs. Wall.
glass chips away at brick, brick shatters glass,
shards tinkle on paved walkway.
maybe the dog will get those, too.
everytime
i think of marking another tick
off my chart of dead friends,
everytime
a bottle pops against
the inside of my
brain,
the symphony starts crashing
and falling, scratching and clawing
and it all overflows
and i stand up.
turn around and say

“They’re throwing bottles at your house.
Come on,
lets go break their arms.”
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Oct 6, 2009,
#2
shards twinkle on paved walkway.

I disliked the use of twinkle here.

everytime
i think of marking another tick
off my chart of dead friends,

something about how this is punctuated or worded throws me off.
i had to read it twice to fully understand what i just read.

Good piece.
is that an actual quote from a book/movie or is it just something you used in this piece? It was rather funny and actually was used quite well.
this one is for you.
#4
Very cool. I liked the dog part as well. LIked the imagery alot, and liked the ending.
C4C? Its in my sig.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.
#6
Thanks for the crits. Yeah Eshabutiee, that quote is from the movie Henry Fool.

I'll try to return some crits tomorrow night.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black