#1
any suggestions by the ????? appreciated

A raging anticipations rising
The end of this waitings days away
I'm caught up in those perdictions fliying
So send em in and cut em loose now
The transcendental of a steel guitar is
Mercy on my brain

Was upon awakening from an altered state
I hitched a ride and climbed on the El-train,
Caught a thrill along the transit line
Wasn't round to hear when you called
Had to get out from behind these walls
To Breath

Chorus

And now i'm free......I am free
Just like i was a little boy
And now I'm feeling easy
Playing in the sun
Shining down on me

A warm glowing rainbow horizon out beyond the sea
Hanging out in this field today
Don't you know it's such a sight to see
??????
I wish you could be here breathing the evening air
So clear

chorus
#2
Quote by drivethru73
any suggestions by the ????? appreciated

A raging anticipations rising
The end of this waitings days away
I'm caught up in those perdictions fliying
So send em in and cut em loose now
The transcendental of a steel guitar is
Mercy on my brain


Suggestions by the ??? Whazzat?

Grammar. Anticipation's = anticipation is.

These* waiting* days. Also, something like 'washing these waiting...' would make somewhat more sense. In my opinion.

Hurm.

Not sure what you're getting at in the first verse. UNLESS IT'S A DEATH METAL SONG ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Then you're fine.

Quote by drivethru73

Was upon awakening from an altered state
I hitched a ride and climbed on the El-train,
Caught a thrill along the transit line
Wasn't round to hear when you called
Had to get out from behind these walls
To Breath


Hee hee. El-train. Cute.

I don't think you need the 'was' in the first line.

Also, 'caught a thrill...' sounds somewhat incorrect. I guess.

Quote by drivethru73

Chorus

And now i'm free......I am free
Just like i was a little boy
And now I'm feeling easy
Playing in the sun
Shining down on me

A warm glowing rainbow horizon out beyond the sea
Hanging out in this field today
Don't you know it's such a sight to see
??????
I wish you could be here breathing the evening air
So clear

chorus


Chorus is decent enough. Second line seems grammatically incorrect though.

Sorry if I'm being pedantic.

There are one or two ideas that seem to be mangled together and lost in the process. Could have been better if you tried cutting through the twirls and twists and simply stuck to the main theme. There's room for improvement here.

C4C?
Anatomy of a Second
#3
Yeah my spelling sucks i know.

The songs about waiting for the baseball season to start. verse one is is the "anticipation" lead up, verse to is actually on the way there, verse 3 is being. FYI it's the El train is in chicago it runs to wrigley field, the red line to be specific but i replaced that with transit line to be more global.


Quote by Time Seller
These* waiting* days. Also, something like 'washing these waiting...' would make somewhat more sense. In my opinion.Anatomy of a Second


not sure what your getting at here, that lyric makes no sense.

I'm surprised you had trouble with verse 1, i think think it's pretty clear cut (but then i wrote it) would be nice to get some more opinions on that.

the line after "send em in and cut em loose" vares of a bit be it songs really good coming in where it does so i kept it.

the ????? is line 4 in the 3rd verse. just can't seem to get out what i want to say.

thanks for the critique