#1
Finished.


I swore you’d never know my conscience
And so far I’ve kept it out of sight
I promised myself I’d never love you
And that one, that one’s a lie

I didn’t grow up to be a cowboy
As hard as my mama tried
I’m not wrong, I’m not right, I’m just different
Will different suit you tonight?

Will the sun grow old rolling down that winding road?
Will we lose our way in the dark?
If we do and it’s true that I’ll never be with you
Can I trust you’ll look after my heart?

You swore you’d unearth my secrets
I whispered, “I’ve nothing to hide.
I don’t care right or wrong, love’s indifferent.
If you come in I’ll prove it tonight.”

Jesus watches over your shoulder
Sometimes I wish he’d watch over mine
And I wish you’d stop seeing him on weekends
I want to be the man in your life


Will the sun grow old rolling down that winding road?
Will we lose our way in the dark?
If we do and it’s true that I’ll never be with you
Can I trust you’ll look after my heart?

My life is true
Because of you
My word is true
I'm all for you
My soul is true
in spite of you
My love is true
I love you

As the sun grew cold rolling down that murky road
And we lost ourselves and the dark
As my last breath fled and I became the living dead
I sighed relief knowing you had my heart
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Oct 8, 2009,
#2
I really like it so far.

Everything except "babe". Maybe it's just me, but it looks really out of place
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#4
Finished eh.

Nice, nice. Flows really well; just one or two little things (all my opinion of course):

"And I wish you’d stop seeing him on weekends", and the whole Jesus verse. I like the concept of a subtle 3rd persona to chuck into the fray, yet i don't think Jesus is the right person to use.

Not sure if the song is religion based? Haha, apologies if it is. I just don't really see it.

My love is true
I love you

You've got a nice subtlety thing going, where you don't mention those three words directly but it comes across nice and strong. These two lines just kinda kill that feeling, y'know?

Apart from that, good stuff man.

Keep writing
Fender Highway 1 Strat
Agile Septor Pro 725

Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Axe-Fx Ultra

Trust me, I'm a medical student
#5
Quote by rebelmidget

And I wish you’d stop seeing him on weekends
I want to be the man in your life


hehehe cool couple lines but i'd change weekends to sunday.
#6
It's not religion based at all. Check some of my other pieces if you want an idea of my thoughts on religion/god haha.
The Jesus thing is just a real situation I've had to deal with. I've been dumped for Jesus.
Subtlety is nice and all, but people get too caught up in not sounding cliche sometimes.
Sometimes, when you feel those three words, you just gotta say em.
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#7
This is very impressively. It flows well, moves down the page nicely, and has a clearly defined melody. Everything great lyrics. Not overly cliched either, that's another plus. On the first read, I actually missed the "in" in "If you come in I'll prove it tonight" which gave that whole thing a whole other meaning.
#8
i loved this. i thought it all flowed very well.

"I didn’t grow up to be a cowboy
As hard as my mama tried
I’m not wrong, I’m not right, I’m just different
Will different suit you tonight?"
^^ Favorite stanza.
If I don't meet you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one and dont be late.

JWU Baking and Pastry '13