#1
as i sit on the shore, my thoughts start to increase.
regrets of past and present mistakes flowing past my face,

but that water looks so inviting.

it's all i can do to keep from shattering to pieces,
and i start to feel lifeless in this cold dark place,

but that water looks so inviting.

i start to rise, so as not to waste away in my self pity.
i never thought my legs would carry me to the lakeside,

but that water looks so inviting.

in this place i can shove aside the problems of the city.
i never did learn to swim, for its no use where i reside,

but that water looks so inviting.

kicking off my shoes, i resolve to advance only a few steps.
as the surface makes its way up to my knees, i say no further,

but that water looks so inviting.

i keep pressing on, pressing on into the lakes depth.
now ive gone too far, and its up to my shoulders,

but that water looks so inviting.

i glance at the beach in hope of rescue, but am consumed as it is.
the roots at my feet begin to pull me into the expanse below,

but that water looks so inviting.

i call for help, but now my cries of agony are worthless.
struggling is pointless, and i give into the fate that is my own,

but that water looked so inviting.
#2
I've never saw a song written like this but I like it =]
i call for help, but now my cries of agony are worthless.
struggling is pointless, and i give into the fate that is my own,


^I love that part.
#3
Quote by ninja.kitty
as i sit on the shore, my thoughts start to increase.
regrets of past and present mistakes flowing past my face,

"my thoughts start to increase" is awkward


but that water looks so inviting.

it's all i can do to keep from shattering to pieces,
and i start to feel lifeless in this cold dark place,

but that water looks so inviting.

i start to rise, so as not to waste away in my self pity.
i never thought my legs would carry me to the lakeside,

but that water looks so inviting.

in this place i can shove aside the problems of the city.
i never did learn to swim, for its no use where i reside,

but that water looks so inviting.

kicking off my shoes, i resolve to advance only a few steps.
as the surface makes its way up to my knees, i say no further,

but that water looks so inviting.

i keep pressing on, pressing on into the lakes depth.
now ive gone too far, and its up to my shoulders,

use your apostrophe

but that water looks so inviting.

i glance at the beach in hope of rescue, but am consumed as it is.
the roots at my feet begin to pull me into the expanse below,

but that water looks so inviting.

i call for help, but now my cries of agony are worthless.
struggling is pointless, and i give into the fate that is my own,

but that water looked so inviting.


I like the idea behind this, and parts of it are very good. But the repetition of "but the water looks so inviting" grows stale after a while. If it weren't so overused it would be very effective, or if the line changed slightly/progressed as the narrator's thoughts progress.

Mind looking at this?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1207981
I want Super Saiyan abilities