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#1
Howdy. I just wanted to take a moment and share my bizarre morning with you all.
Skunks:
I got up around 5 just like every other day and shuffled out into the kitchen to make my coffee. My dogs began to make a fuss at the door into the garage. I went and corralled them and threw them out the front door and then went to look in the garage to see what drew their attention. It was a skunk. My kid left the side entry door open again and we got a visitor. So how do you get a skunk out without making a stink? That was what I pondered while drinking my first cup of coffee.
I was hoping it would just wander out on its own but it appeared to have no interest in going back out in the rain. I was going to be late for work so I put my plan into action.
1 hotdog. 1 .22 cal. rifle. So I threw the hotdog onto the floor about 3 feet in front of me and then just waited. It seemed like an eternity but the stinky little bugger finally came up to investigate. I shot and he was drt. Never even twitched. I went back inside to get a bag to throw it in so I could dispose of it when I had my first truly evil thought in months. Instead of a plastic bag I got a paper bag. Instead of throwing the carcass in the garbage I opened my sons bedroom door and threw it on his floor. I hope he learns to shut my garage door when he comes in.
I left for work and part deux of my wonderful morning unfolded.
Skanks:
I stopped to get gas at the station I always go to and was approached by a young lady that was maybe 25 or so. She asked if she could bum a cigarette. I obliged her and she began to tell me her life story. It became quite obvious to me that this person already had a pretty good buzz going at 8 am. I listened to her ramble on about her husband and what a low life he was and how she wanted to get even with him for his transgressions. Then she proceeded to invite me back to her place for some fun. I declined her offer. She then asked if she could get another smoke from me proceeded to show me a fair amount of cleavage and told me she was all mine if I wanted. Again I declined and said my goodbyes to her. I must admit though it was quite the ego boost for me. She was a pretty little thing.
So that was my morning. Skunks and skanks. The guys at work have been asking me wtf are you dong here? And I guess that's my question to the pit. Wtf am I doing here. Where would you be?

tl;dr Go back to the sandbox.
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#2
I hope you set up a camera to record your son's reaction to the skunk

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


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#3
You skunkkilling playa
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#4
^^ yes I want to see his reaction too. This ought to be good.

I liked that story.

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#5
You should've taken pictures of the skank and gave the skunk a cigarette.
RULE BRITANNIA
Last edited by Cobain_Is_King at Oct 9, 2009,
#7


Do you want to adopt me? You should have taken the stink glands out of the skunks ass and hid them in his pillow case or something.

Show me pictures of your wife in negligee and I'll determine where you should be right now.
#8
You're from Michigan, right? Rain's been relentless over here. Good job putting the skunk in your son's room. If you're single, you shoulda tapped that.
#10
Quote by Jackal58
I must admit though it was quite the ego boost for me.


What, that a drunk woman trying to get free cigarettes off you and hitting on you while doing so is somehow laudable?
Hi!

Sig Retired.
#11
Quote by la bamba
What, that a drunk woman trying to get free cigarettes off you and hitting on you while doing so is somehow laudable?

How do you know she was drunk?

It was you, wasn't it?
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#12
If you were single you could have domed it.

Either way sounds like a pretty epic morning.

Mine has been alright... on one hand I found out that my buddies are hanging out with my ex I went out with for 4 years and are lying to me about it for some reason...

On the other hand I got a grand from the government... so it could be worse...
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#13
Quote by Kensai
How do you know she was drunk?

It was you, wasn't it?



Reading is fundamental.


and yes: maybe it was me, maybe it wasn't . . .
Hi!

Sig Retired.
#14
Quote by dudius
You're from Michigan, right? Rain's been relentless over here. Good job putting the skunk in your son's room. If you're single, you shoulda tapped that.

Yes I am and yes it is. I'm married and don't really need any more complications in my life atm.
I am awaiting a phone call from the kid any moment now.
It'll be a fun conversation.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

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Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

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#15
Holy ****!!!!!! A Pit Monkey That Refused Sexual Interaction!!!!!!!!!!!!! Itz Teh Endz Of Daaa Worldzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
✠I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few
✠Adolf Hitler✠
#16
Quote by SteveHouse
I hope you set up a camera to record your son's reaction to the skunk

+1
But poor skunk.


Non-American
#17
Quote by la bamba
What, that a drunk woman trying to get free cigarettes off you and hitting on you while doing so is somehow laudable?

Just wait until you're old and fat.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#18
i think you made the right choice declining the gas station skank, especially if she had a husband.

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#19
Quote by la bamba
Reading is fundamental.


and yes: maybe it was me, maybe it wasn't . . .


Yes?

JUST ADMIT IT.
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#20
Quote by SPBY
i think you made the right choice declining the gas station skank, especially if she had a husband.

I think it was more of a no-brainer than a mindboggling decision.
#21
Quote by Jackal58
Yes I am and yes it is. I'm married and don't really need any more complications in my life atm.
I am awaiting a phone call from the kid any moment now.
It'll be a fun conversation.


Yeah, I'd encourage tappin that but discourage the complicating of relationships...women are complicated enough
#22
Quote by SPBY
i think you made the right choice declining the gas station skank, especially if she had a husband.


Most likely. As tempting as it sounds, it probably isn't her first 8 an gas station pick up if you know what I mean...
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#23
Quote by Jackal58
Just wait until you're old and fat.


How old is your kid?

If my dad did that to me, I'm waiting with that .22 rifle in hand when he gets home, just to scare him and stuff . . . . Just sayin . . . .
Hi!

Sig Retired.
#25
Quote by la bamba
How old is your kid?

If my dad did that to me, I'm waiting with that .22 rifle in hand when he gets home, just to scare him and stuff . . . . Just sayin . . . .

The one that leaves the door open is 25. He better have a bigger gun than that.
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#27
I'm having a weird morning too. I am now coughing out black?

Is it swine?
Epiphone Les Paul (Modded with 2 passive pickups and an EMG81)
Yamaha RG guitar w/ Floyd Rose
Rogue Acoustic

BlackHeart BH5 Tube Amp


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#28
TS, you should have invited her back to yours, and then locked he in the basement and raised a family that wouldn;'t leave your garage open and let skunks in with her.


Just sayin'.
#30
Quote by MightyAl
TS, you should have invited her back to yours, and then locked he in the basement and raised a family that wouldn;'t leave your garage open and let skunks in with her.


Just sayin'.


You're not from Switzerland. What has gotten into you?
Epiphone Les Paul (Modded with 2 passive pickups and an EMG81)
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#31
Quote by Jackal58
So that was my morning. Skunks and skanks.
The only thing that could have made this more complete is if you had a run-in with a skink.



Maybe your son will be close enough to fill that role.
I'm sure he'll be cussing a blue streak when he discovers the skunk.
Meadows
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#32
A stinky skanky skink. My life would be complete.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#33
Maybe its a sign to go buy one?

Your son would rather that then a dead skunk I would think.
Epiphone Les Paul (Modded with 2 passive pickups and an EMG81)
Yamaha RG guitar w/ Floyd Rose
Rogue Acoustic

BlackHeart BH5 Tube Amp


Danelectro Metal. Digitech Bad Monkey, Digitech CF-7, Crybaby Wah, Danelectro EQ.
#35
Quote by dustyboy316
You're not from Switzerland. What has gotten into you?

I got a brain transplane from this guy.
#39
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Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#40
Way to go Jackal, i seriously want to hear about the sons reaction. Oh, and man, you should've screwed that lady into the dirt.
Jesus wouldn't give you the sweat off of his balls if you were dying of thirst.
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