#1
Blinded are you, By the mouth of Deceit,
Turn away from this stream,
Though it beckons and sings a beautiful song,
Nothing but lies are found through it.
Leave this place, and think for yourself.
The very presence of them, turns you to someone else.

Turn away now,
Leave this place,
Liars are Prevalent,
Your among them now.

My ears have heard these lies,
I once was among them,
Turned now, I've found a new path,
Come with me, Take my hand.
Blinded are you, By whats been said.

Turn away now,
Leave this place,
Lies are Prevalent,
You cant be saved.

The might of the gods cant change your course,
You've become stone,
I tried to save you,
Lies are sweeter than the truth,
The true you was never good enough.

~~~~
I was listening to meshuggah a lot when I wrote this, I kind of see a resemblance to there structure I guess. But I was hoping to make this into somewhat of a metal song, Progressive maybe or heavier. What do you think? BE HARSH!
#2
i like this.. i think it flowed very nicely, except the ending stanza. idk if its just me, but i think you should come up with a way to have the phrase "i tried to save you" go into "lies are sweeter then truth" like, "ive tried to save you many times, but.." which is bad, but you get my idea.

that is just my opinion though, it probably works good with the music you have. all in all, its a good read.

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1212808