#1
This is the 2nd song that i've written lyrics too pretty much so i just want some crit on how i did and maybe some tips for some improvement?

Verse 1
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When i stare in your beautiful eyes
I wonder if you'll ever be mine
And i sit back and stare into the distance
Just thinking bout you

Cuz your the only thing that i want
And i just wish i don't have to wait that long
SO baby why don't you just sing along?
Im sure that u'll find that its a beautiful song

And im just sitting here playing guitar
Wondering if, you could ever be mine
But why would ever like me?
Im just jordan, can't u see?

All i do is write these songs...
When is it is gonna end?
I don't wanna wait that long
There's no point if you don't wanna sing along
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Chorus
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I guess i'll just keep singing this song
Hoping one day you might sing along
I don't care if you do
But right now all i want is you

I guess i'll just keep singing this song
Hoping on eday you might sing along
And the day that you finally do
I'll have all i want, and that is you
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Verse 2
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I toss and i turn
Writing songs all night
When will i learn?
That what i do just isn't right

I should just try to sleep
But when i close my eyes
All i see is bright blue skies
Oh i wish i could sleep....

Maybe then my mind will be at peace
And i will dream at last
I will just forget the past
And i can be with you

You're all i think about
You're the only thing i want
I don't know what im gonna do without
Without you (carre the "ooh" sound on it up and down)
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Chorus
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Verse 3
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Im laying here by myself
It's so dark and cold in here
I wish you could be here with me
Maybe then you could see

I would play you this song
And hope that you'd sing along
Maybe then you'd like me
And then you could set me free

But i really don't care either way
Im not worth anything
I don't see why anyone would like me
So why do i even try?

Im writing this song
Because i just keep going on and on
Now this song is done
In case you're wondering who this is for, you're the one...
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Outro
Gear
Guitars
- Ibanez GRX20
- Austin SG
- Alveraz Artist Acoustic Electric
Amps
- Kustom 15W
- Peavey Vypyr 75W
- Monitor speaker!
Effects
- Behringer V-Amp Multi-effects
- Dunlop Cry Baby Wah
- Tubescreamer
- Sampera I
#2
Please go read the forum rules regarding thread titles. Afterward you can post this again properly. Thanks.