#1
ots. whatever.


Those eyes sing sad songs of
sailing ships and recollections of
the worst best year of my life.
Trick my fainthearted heart
into thinking they would rather look at nothing else,
because that's what they tell me.
So that's what I believe.
They scream at the top of their sockets
"We had it. Where did it go.
Where did it go?"
So that's what I believe
for the shortest second of my life.
We had it.
We had
it.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Oct 10, 2009,
#2
hmm. im torn on this. there are some cliche parts but i think it all works out at the end.
i'll get back to this if i actually have any constructive to say or find out what is holding me back from completely liking this.

what i do like though at the last few lines, and 'fainthearted heart'. it may be the awkwardness of that line that appeals to me, idk.
#3
I liked this a lot. Spoke to me on a really personally level. I agree with rushmore: the fainthearted heart line was an excellent turn of phrase. I also really liked the structure at the end: the decreasing length seems to compliment the poem's subject matter, what with the love fading...

C4C? Inciting to Riot, in my sig..
#4
Scream at the top of their Sockets? I'm just wondering. It caught me thinking "Hmmmm... sockets? Could he mean lungs? Am I missing something?"
A Celebration For The Death Of Man...

Quote by Madison Perella

Thats not even sensible I base myself like this I like power I don't understand emotion. Knowledge is key and fire pokemon own.

#5
Referring to the fact that they are eyes.

Thanks for the crits, guys. OverUnderOnward, I'll return that sometime tonight.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black