#1
a buffalo nickel or an old wheat penny,
lincoln's beard covers the heart currensee-
like before you made it big in high school,
the five dollar bills we dropped in the wishing-
i wish you wells. smelling salts we poured on
heartfelt hallmark love detecting machines
soured by sentiment and sloppy signatures from
your valentine wannabe's. i gave you a tree for
christmas and you gave me a picture of a gift you
wished to get me but forgot to save up for,
a flannel shirt i wore every so now and often,
hem tight and patterns forgetting and forgotten,
chest pocket eavesdropping on my flit-fluttering
average sized heart, cordorouy buttons tracing
the bow of my vertebrae that you button and
unbutton and
button and
unbutton at will.
Last edited by rushmore at Oct 10, 2009,
#3
Damn. Just damn.


In places it was kind of runny, if you get what I mean by that. wishing-i wish you wells was just too much.

Fix that up and I probably wouldn't have even bothered to comment. I like this alot.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
thanks both of you. i can understand the runny-ness maybe, ill take a look at it.
#6
It's mainly the first two sentences.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#7
This is great. Hard to follow with all the adjectives at times (heartfelt hallmark love detecting machines, which is genius) but I like getting lost in words. It was beautiful
#8
I think it was one of the best things i ever read here. It didn't had cheesy stuff and the flow was awesome. You are always good with flow. Awesome job
Hi
#9
thank you so much. abhishek i havent seen you around here for awhile, still posting stuff?