#1
The girl I love is so strait and tall,
Down her white neck, her auburn tresses fall,
Help
Here's to health to that charming maid, Whoever she may be.

The roses blush and fade beside her cheek
Her eyes are blue, her forehead pale and meek,
Her lips like cherries on a summer tree
Here's to health to that charming maid, Whoever she may be.

Had I the wealth that props thr Roman's reign,
Or the diamond crown that decks the king of Spain,
I'd yield them all if she kindly smiled on me.
Here's to health to that charming maid, whoever she may be.

Five pounds of gold, for each lock of hair, I'd pay,
And five times five for my love, one hour each day,
Help
Then my may I drink a fond deep health, To thee.
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
Last edited by 24WildRovers at Oct 11, 2009,
#2
The lyrics is pretty good.

But there is only one thing I dont like

"Here's to health to that charming maid, Whoever she may be."

Is it for a girl that you want to be more than a friend or is it for a girl that you're already more than a friend ?
#3
Quote by Jean_Valjean
The lyrics is pretty good.

But there is only one thing I dont like

"Here's to health to that charming maid, Whoever she may be."

Is it for a girl that you want to be more than a friend or is it for a girl that you're already more than a friend ?


I think it's more for a girl he wishes he had but I'm not sure
#4
Reading through this, I feel as though there is a certain innocence and naivety in the way that it seems like he/you has/have fallen in love with someone that he doesn't know ('whoever she may be'), and how this description of this unknown woman is beautiful and almost perfect.
It reminds me slightly of John Clare's 'First Love' for the reasons I just mentioned.

I thought it was a sweet piece
let these flat chords just break your heart...
Last edited by soph_bassist! at Oct 11, 2009,
#5
Quote by soph_bassist!
Reading through this, I feel as though there is a certain innocence and naivety in the way that it seems like he/you has/have fallen in love with someone that he doesn't know ('whoever she may be'), and how this description of this unknown woman is beautiful and almost perfect.

That's actually close to what I was going for Thanks guys for the help
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
#6
I think it flowed pretty well . I mean rhyme was really tight but I feel like just for the sake of rhyme you might have hold things back but that can be me also.

I thought the change of scenes was not that good compared to the imagery that was put into this .

Well you absolutely know how to write and this type of thing is seriously not for me. I'll critique your next one to return the favor. I'm sorry for such a lame critique haven't wrote one in like ages .
Hi
#7
Quote by soph_bassist!
Reading through this, I feel as though there is a certain innocence and naivety in the way that it seems like he/you has/have fallen in love with someone that he doesn't know ('whoever she may be'), and how this description of this unknown woman is beautiful and almost perfect.


This. He's right. i liked it by the way. Also, what's up with the helps? I don't get it
#8
Quote by hippieboy444
This. He's right. i liked it by the way. Also, what's up with the helps? I don't get it


I think he/she wants something in there and would really appreciate some ideas or suggestions.
Hi
#9
Quote by abhishek21
I think he/she wants something in there and would really appreciate some ideas or suggestions.

Yeah I do so any suggestions would be much appreciated
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
: