#1
Go on then
Scream your will at him.
Maybe there'll be a day when you believe in him.
Tired of the piercing highs
And growling lows.
For you he has no ears.

You've left him numb.
You did that.
And for who's sakes?
Sure as hell is hot, not his.
But then perhaps you are the devil
That we shall overcome in a time of hope,
And love that coats this day.
For you see that although his will is broken
His love will keep the rest together.

Rebuild upon foundations scattered in the grass.
For they are all that's left to work on.
Moss shaped memory of you're screaming face.
Mere fungus growing,
Clutching on for your own life.

Dear God, I hope he can forget.
Crashing fists of narcissistic rage,
Poison words uttered in vile circumstance,
Crippling lies engraved upon his mind,

With a sharp tool,
You could end it.
Stop the nights spent in bed,
Waiting for the door to slam shut.
After it all,
We could mend it.
Preserve the life I began and molded
Into my own son.

...but I still carried on.

He's found love now.
And so have I.
In the whispering eyes of a singer.
In the tilt of a head and a cheeky wink to say "I love you".
In the commitment she's made.

Sure, i'll walk you home.
Stand awkwardly at your door hoping for a kiss.
To be fair, this wasn't anything serious
So a hug will seem like bliss.
I'll stand on your toe though.
Oddly you said nothing.
I don't want to hurt you.
So i'll go on with loving,

The hours spent,
With you, laughing at my every joke.
Playing the fool, acting cute.
Wrapping hair around, short-stretching fingers.

Piano, you play
But I can still reach further,
Along the neck of an acoustic.
Outstretched hands measure the difference in size.
Of fingers I wish were wrapped around your body
To hold you close to my heart.
So you could feel the rate at which it circulates YouPhoria around my own

I even picked a leaf from a tree,
Like you did a bush,
To remember this day by.
Tied a knot in the stem.
Union at the roots.
Oh, how I wished
That day would never end.


Love, the world's greatest showing thriller.
Love, the world's best dressed, cold-hearted killer.
#2
I like it, but it feels a bit awkward in places like the second verse. Also I dont see a real connections between the two halves. It would make more sense if you put in some sort of transition. I'm assuming the person in the second half is the one abused in the first so how about just a short verse no more than a stanza about how they grew up or something?
#3
Admittedly, that link is pretty weak. It wasn't even supposed to be in two halves. Just that, the first verse was pretty much happening at the time I wrote it (about 10 minutes ago, gotta love arguments for inspiration), but then I wanted to write about this girl i've just met. Feck knows what I was thinking but I just went with it.
#4
Well if you could link the parts together it would be really good and paint a beautiful and mildly vivid picture. I also really like the last two lines.