#1
first things first i am not much of a writer haha but this is just a thought that came into my head and i wanna add to it and would LOVE some suggestions from all the amazing writers here on UG. anyway please and thank you!

I'd catch you
but not until you realize
I'd catch you
but i would rather watch your demise
I'd catch you
but you make me feel like sh*t
I'd catch you
but you're not worth it

thanks again!! PS i realize its more like a poem but i still would like some constructive critisism and suggestions!! thanks!!
Squirrels>all other animals group

Quote by Prophet of Page
I don't recommend passive pickups for any kind of blues tone. Ideally, you'd want a passive pickup with a reasonably low level of output.
#2
First off, is this supposed to be a song or a poem?

You repeat "I'd catch you", too many times. Saying the same thing every other line is just too much. This needs to have more substance, more for the reader to grasp. Parts of it, like "But not until you realize" are too vague for anyone to understand, except maybe you.

Keep writing though, man. The more you do it, the better you will get.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
thanks...and idk i would love it to be a song but everytime i write it ends up too much like a poem haha i fail
Squirrels>all other animals group

Quote by Prophet of Page
I don't recommend passive pickups for any kind of blues tone. Ideally, you'd want a passive pickup with a reasonably low level of output.
#4
try marijuana, it helps jk but seriously, you need to spice it up with detail, imagery, what have you not, sorry to say but its boring....
#5
haha i know i am not much of a writer but i try....kinda haha
Squirrels>all other animals group

Quote by Prophet of Page
I don't recommend passive pickups for any kind of blues tone. Ideally, you'd want a passive pickup with a reasonably low level of output.