#1
Lyrics i wrote a while ago. Revised version. They're about my sister for the most part. Little bit of fiction little bit of non fiction. Take it as you will though. I wanted to make it broad enough so that some people might be able to relate to it. Anyways, I hope you all like it.
C4C

She doesnt know anything
Of the lives that were lived before she came to this world
And it kills her now
Like a cold knife through the back of her dark empty world
And she says, "Why,
Why does this life take from me everything?
All I want to do is run
Away from this life made of broken dreams."

But now she sits in this apartment building
With a loneliness she can't escape
She can't live a life of confusion
So instead she fills her world with hate
And until the day it all comes together
She'll wait
And lose it all

She can't live this life
She needs to move to a bigger and better place
Maybe three thousand miles
Will make a filling for her empty space
She says, "Please,
I need to have someone who's face I know.
I'm afraid of this life
It's another world and I dont know a soul."

But now she sits in this apartment building
With a loneliness she can't escape
She can't live a life of confusion
So instead she fills her world with hate
And until the day it all comes together
She'll wait
And lose it all

[Instrumental Bridge]

She says, "Now
What has become of me?
What happened to the girl
Who dreamed of a life of sanctity?"

She's been locked inside the shadows
She begs God for a chance to escape
She cant deal with a life of confusion
But she's dying in her world full of hate
Can't believe that this is reality
It's not the world she wants to create
And until the day that it falls apart
She'll wait
And lose it all
Guitars:
Martin DSR acoustic
Fender Telecaster
Epiphone Les Paul
Amp:
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Pedals:
535Q Crybaby>Fulltone OCD>Phase 90>EHX Big Muff>MXR Carbon Copy>EHX Holy Grail
You can call me Matt
#2
Seems very long for me. They read at a very slow pace, though I guess it doesn't matter since it's lyrics. First stanza, I don't like the repetition of world and this life.

Other than that, alright. Hard to really crit lyrics since it's about how they sound as much as the actual words. I'd like to hear this recorded.

I didn't say nearly enough to warrant a return crit, but if you have spare time you could take a look at the link in my sig.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
hahaha rereading it now, i didnt realize just how many times i say "life" and "world"

thanks for that
Guitars:
Martin DSR acoustic
Fender Telecaster
Epiphone Les Paul
Amp:
Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Pedals:
535Q Crybaby>Fulltone OCD>Phase 90>EHX Big Muff>MXR Carbon Copy>EHX Holy Grail
You can call me Matt