Hi there everyone,

this piece here is a little something I've been working on the past few days, it was my aim at a deathmetal piece with some of my own touches blended in, so I hope you care to check it out, off course I'll crit everyone who crits me in return, so just tell me which piece

anyways, I hope you like it and can give me some feedback on it

Last edited by ultimate-slash at Oct 12, 2009,
Very dream theatre'y from 102 - 109.

Overall it was very solid The verse was maybe a bit long but vocals will change that obviously.
In order

1-2 | Good starting

3-6 | Good but i founded it a little heavy for the beginning

7-14 | Nice work on the drums

23-30 | Very badass, it's perfect

31-35 | Very effective riff, perfectly placed

44-51 | I founded it too calm but good building for next riff

52-68 | Excellent starting, Very Good riff

69-85 | Too calm for my tastes

86-101 | Good Building, nothing special

102-109| Very solid keyboard riff

110- | Right riff for ending
Chuck Schuldiner 1967-2001
Ronnie James Padavona 1942-2010
Darrell Lance Abbott 1966-2004
Jon Nödtveidt 1975-2006
Per Yngve Ohlin 1969-1991
Øystein Aarseth 1968-1993
Joe Ptaceck 1973-2010
Ace Börje Thomas Forsberg 1966-2004
Quote by DudE132
Not death metal and also not good. I think you tried way to hard.

Care to explain what's not good about it?

and I know it isn't a full 'true' deathmetal piece, it was just my aim at something in the likes off deathmetal, I needed to name it so... I also can't see where I'm trying too hard exactly, could you point that out?
Crit as I listen:

The intro was...interesting. I'm not so sure that guitar part is playable by anyone, but nonetheless, it sounds decent. I think the bass could've been more interesting however.

Bar 7-14 was good guitar wise. I liked when the synth came in at 14, but the strings on bars 7-10 really took away from the quality of the riff.

Verse One: I guess this one really needs vocals. The guitar work is fine, and the whole section works, but there's nothing particularly interesting about it to me. Maybe it's just my tastes, but overall, I wasn't a fan. The tremolo picking afterward wasn't anything special either, but it helped move the song along. Speaking of vocals- I'm not quite sure what I'd like to hear here. I think growls might be too abrasive, yet clean melodies wouldn't fit the mood. James Hetfield-esque vocals might be the only working option here, but I can't see them fitting with the keyboard. Bottom line- something's got to go.

The mini-solo part was good, No complaints. For Verse 2, just re-apply the same comments.

The chorus was fine. This I could actually see going well with vocals, unlike the previous section. No complaints really, except that I could see the bass being a little more interesting. The drums were well done here as well.

The triplets section after the chorus was my favorite part yet, especially when the keys did a solo over it. That was cool.

The sweeping melody was good. I really like that sweep, so much that I might actually learn it on my own. That being said however, I do think it went on a bit too long.

Chorus two- Same deal as before.

I really like the clean section. Especially the moment the hi-hat comes in, that sounded great. The solo over it was fine, but a little unnecessary. To be honest, it seems like you're putting a bit too much shredding into this song. If you cut it down, it would sound much better.

On bar 102, I really like the keyboard melody. I do wish it was played by guitar as well though, that would sound really good. Also, why is there no bass in that section? I'd be sure to add some if I were you. The lead guitar over it doesn't sound good.

Tremolo Picking- Seemed to fit more this time. I liked it better now for some reason, and it was the right way to end the song.

Overall, it was eh. If you cut out a lot of needless shredding, and rework a few melodies, it'll sound much better, but for now, I'd give it about a 5/10. I know I was harsh, but I seem to find myself that I prefer harsh critiques, as it lets me know what I can work on.


My Old Progressive Metal Band:
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.