#1
i was debating which previously unposted poem i should post and im going to put this up instead as i think the last one needs work.


in a grass tunnel beneath the subway supper room,
the drawl of motor cars drinking oil through swirly
straws, i watch you eat rice with a fork and knife
and fix your collar with tasteful fingertips.
nails you painted red and yellow, innocent signs
that i hit and miss the chance to kiss your forehead
with an air of casualness. do you see the ants
forming a line behind you? the moths and cocoons
that permeate a permanent residence in your
flushed complexion?
it's okay, i will take you anyways,
the nest in your hair where vagabond birds
fill in the vacancies, words you swallowed and
digested stuck in a cowardly organ medicine has neglected
to mention. a careless intestine, a loveless
impression that you left on the doorstep of my
cerebellum,

a little longing goes away,
a little longing goes a long, long way.
#2
At least on the other one I had some semblance of feedback...


This is fine.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
wow.

hahaha

i love this so much. I know it's an overrated thing to say, here, but it's probably one of my favorites from you. Like, I never say that, I swear! haha

love it, like really. Up on mah wall.
#4
Ive definitely become a fan of your writing style.
I thought the last two lines summed up this piece very nicely, ending it where it needed to.
Very nice job.
If I don't meet you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one and dont be late.

JWU Baking and Pastry '13
#6
I'm with Kyle on this one,
i give up. that was absolutely stunning.

+10000 for the usage of vagabond, that is one of my favorite words.
this one is for you.
#7
thank you for the kind words. i will search for all your writings to comment on.
#8
I love to read pieces of writing to myself and I really enjoyed the expression you can apply to this when reading it aloud, and how, after reading through it a few times and getting used to it, you can speed parts up, or slow them down for impact and emphasis.
The flow is great and I really enjoyed this part:
it's okay, i will take you anyways,
the nest in your hair where vagabond birds
fill in the vacancies, words you swallowed and
digested stuck in a cowardly organ medicine has neglected
to mention. a careless intestine, a loveless
impression that you left on the doorstep of my
cerebellum,

I look forward to reading more of your work
let these flat chords just break your heart...