#1

Another false start;
a thin reflection
of life
in a milky
cup of chai,
and all the
clockwork
enveloped within.

Divided the moon
until cancers
spread poison
into our lips
and our heads
reeled,
eyes burned,
emotions bled
black onto
the sidewalks.

Forced one another
to endure
execution,
then blamed
determinism
for being
too holy.

Kept our
translucent,
fatalistic secrets
in the bell jar;
Hid our mindsets
between slurs
and scrawled
inklings
that all lead
nowhere.
#2
I really like the first stanza the best. But the imagery through the whole thing was really good. I think you should try to make a song out of this. Try to make it using the same style you made "Grey Rain," That is a very good song and I could see this poem fitting in that style of music Keep on Writing
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
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#3
I liked this a lot. The wording was strong, and the feeling of it was wonderful. I'm sorry for such a short critique. I'm not really in the writing or talking mood tonight.

It was good, though. C: