#1
Just a short little song/poem I wrote last night. I'd appreciate some good criticism. Also feel free to link me to some of your works, I'd gladly take a look.


Azure skies, clear and vast
Tender leave, soft, crisp grass
simple things, on canvas enshrined
Were it so easy for colors of my mind

Hello, goodbye
Are you? Am I?
Easy things, cold and flat
imperfect paint for idle chat

French fries and apple pie
Your cheap perfume as you walk by
intoxicating yes, but so short lived
chalk on the pavement, rain won't forgive

Pattering rain, windy shroud
silky skin, softer than cloud
gone so quick, memory can't grasp
inks will fade, wax won't last

supple fruits, sweetest wine
the taste of sex, your lips on mine
too much, too fast, and it grows old
Once great works now gather mold

#2
Thanks I appreciate your criticism.
You said you are new to songwriting? I thought it was amazing. It had excellent imagery and I liked the metaphors you used, especially the last stanza:

supple fruits, sweetest wine
the taste of sex, your lips on mine
too much, too fast, and it grows old
Once great works now gather mold


Overall, I thought you did a great job.