#1
even robots wither -
the past few i built were broken in battle
so i picked up the pieces and reassessed.
hours spent with power drills and
saws making greater sparks than
any lover ever can,
every welded bit of metal
shining with cold strength
ready to be molded into my heart's every desire.


i bite my tongue and taste
the iron in my blood
and smile.
off come these flesh-filled arms
for something much more beautiful -
the wiring may be less complex than God-given nerves
but these crooked metal fingers keep me from feeling the warmth of your skin
and focus more on bashing your skull.

superior
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#2
I thought this was really good. I thought you kept the motif evenly balanced- at no point did I feel like you were shoving it down my throat. Moreover, I thought the idea and message were not only creative but also poignant. From how i interpreted this, it seems to be saying that the narrator has built his or herself into an android, devoid of human emotions, of love, of compassion and in this sense, he/she considers herself to be "superior". They may be indestructible but all this weilding sense of power gives them is a certain hollowness. There are also hints in the first stanza of past heartbreak, that this person has armored his or herself to shield him or her from the destruction they've endured in the past. Hopefully my interpretation is somewhat close.

As far as suggestions go, I'll give you some nitpicky things. First, I thought "ready to be molded into my heart's every desire" could be worded better. Right now it seems too generic, like I've heard that phrase before. Also I got tripped up on some of the lines breaks at the beginning of the second stanza but that may just be my own personal problem. However, that's really the only thing that stood out to me. Great piece of writing! It truly is.
here, My Dear, here it is
Last edited by SubwayToVenus at Oct 17, 2009,