#1
inward towards the great lakes,
rock cliffs swelling sickly in formation,
towering barely,
cowardly.
someone graffited smiley faces on their bases,
someone threw their tupperware dinner out their window and
it smeared on the limestone,
we saw this we laughed,
almost,
got in our car and back on the road towards uncertainty,
uncertainly.
accidental pine trees shudder and
spit sap at our windshield,
you think its a sign and
i just sigh.
lake michigan is visible now though,
up and over the road,
you say its pretty and i agree to
disagree.
we go swimming,
you naked and me
fully clothed,
collect seashells and smash them on the road,
teach me to backstroke and do somersaults,
wade into the deep and
a fish grazes your leg,
you cry so hard so i catch it and break it's neck,
kiss your head,
carry you to the car and
make love to you in the back seat,
quietly,
carefully,
specifically.
you came and it was
onto superior.
onto eerie.
onto ontario.
onto huron.
onto,
onto,
onto,
onto.
Last edited by rushmore at Oct 21, 2009,
#3
i posted it yesterday but deleted it and edited it a bit. so sure, a repost.
#4
Yeah you're supposed to edit your original post, not delete it. This is just a form of bumping.

Besides, it barely even seems changed to me, you changed "cum" to "came" but that's pretty much it it seems.

Anyway, read the rules.
#5
haha. since i deleted it like 2 minutes after i posted it, its not really a big deal, it was at the very top of the forum when i deleted it, explain why i would need to bump that? i wasnt going to post it again at all, but changed a few things and decided i would post it again after all. ive been posting here 6 years, youve been here a month. settle down sheriff.
#7
Quote by Smpl Dstrctns' profile

registered October 16, 2009




You should try being here for more than one day before going all fire marshall on all of us.


But anyway,


This was different than your normal style, methinks. A little refreshing, and there was just something about it. I wasn't a fan of how many of those one word lines you used. Almost none of those were important enough to deserve a line of their own and the emphasis that goes along with it. "Up and over the road" needs to be one line, in my opinion.

Me gusta, for the most part.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#8
i changed those two lines and put them into one, thanks ganoosh. i had trouble with flow and line breaks on this one but thought it ended up okay.
#9
lovely. you have a trick for narrating your life.
Quote by Arthur Curry
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theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja