#1
well..i dunno what to call it...a poem i guess so ..here it goes...

SALINE TEARS

Bruised By past, Wounds still yawn
Sarcasm & betray hunt dusk to dawn
Unheard prayers for em to live in fears
Alone left aghast, They shed saline tears

No more friends they boast
Embrace is just a distant ghost
Backs they face, back-stabs they bear
On Needles they hope & still shed saline tears

When Breaths refuse to reply
Moments spent together she denies
When her absence down it tears
They still love and shed saline tears

But such reasons move me not
My drenched eyes have cured my clot
As now my sins are only for devil to care
Coz I'll make sure They drown in those Saline Tears!!


Feeds will b appreciated!!!
#3
Quote by utkarsh_sn
well..i dunno what to call it...a poem i guess so ..here it goes...

SALINE TEARS

Bruised By past, Wounds still yawn
Sarcasm & betray hunt dusk to dawn
Unheard prayers for em to live in fears
Alone left aghast, They shed saline tears

I would put 'Betrayal' in place of "betray". And 'Fear' as opposed to "fears".


No more friends they boast
Embrace is just a distant ghost
Backs they face, back-stabs they bear
On Needles they hope & still shed saline tears

I'm liking this stanza alot. Especially "Backs they face, back-stabs they bear"

When Breaths refuse to reply
Moments spent together she denies
When her absence down it tears
They still love and shed saline tears

Again, I like this stanza too but "When her absence down it tears" doesn't really make sense to me [?]. Is down the correct word?

But such reasons move me not
My drenched eyes have cured my clot
As now my sins are only for devil to care
Coz I'll make sure They drown in those Saline Tears!!

"My drenched eyes have cures my clot" - That's a good one right there. The last line ruins the flow a bit for me.


Feeds will b appreciated!!!


Other then editing a few things, pretty well written.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

C4C - Songwriting and Lyrics

- Hung Up on You -
- Apathy Unending -
#4
>>>Dwd123>>>.thanx! appreciate it!!!

>>>FueLsTp>>>thanx. well that "down" i was refferin to>>heart ...kinda below the neck lol....yeah i guess i can omit that.
#5
Ooh I like it

Not quite sure what it's about, mind, but I like it.

Has a nice flow and the wording is brilliant.

When Breaths refuse to reply
Moments spent together she denies

Sounds a bit forced but that's all I can think of.

Well done
#6
Smpl>>>>. Thanx!!! well jst to clear it a lil...."they" keeps changin....like in first stanza it refers to theist ....people who cling on to prayers to do their job.....and in 2nd well it refers to people who've been betrayed by their friends (as it is clear) and in 3rd it refers to fallen lovers......so the whole thing is kinda outcry to world.....specially to those who keep whinin