#1

I am a poet born affliction,
poison running down
from thought to pen;
dysfunction breeds me
in confusion, the darkness
sees me as I am.
When death is only two –
a fact or future,
I cannot stand
where absence of a thought
is what I know to be my end.

I am a travesty, but I exist
and you will never know another,
but if to lose me you persist,
I’ll burn to bother. I’ll burn to bother.



This is not a pipe
#2
Quote by Carmel

I am a poet born affliction, Depending on the meaning, would 'poet's born affliction' or 'poet born of affliction' be more suiting?
poison running down
from thought to pen;
dysfunction breeds me
in confusion, the darkness
sees me as I am.
When death is only two –
a fact or future,
I cannot stand
where absence of a thought
is what I know to be my end.


Those lines in blue - very good lines!

I am a travesty, but I exist
and you will never know another,
but if to lose me you persist,
I’ll burn to bother. I’ll burn to bother.





The only issue I really had was the first line. To my understanding, this is about the actual writing and not the poet. I really like this though. Not much else for me to say other then great piece!
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

C4C - Songwriting and Lyrics

- Hung Up on You -
- Apathy Unending -
Last edited by FueLsTp at Oct 18, 2009,
#3
In the first line do you mean something like: You're an affliction that was born in the form of a poet?
#4
I like this. It probably took me longer than it should have to get it, but once I got it..wonderful. In my opinion the first line is fine the way it is, no need to change it. I almost think, though, that I would like it better if the second stanza just weren't there.

Awesome.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
Quote by willT08
In the first line do you mean something like: You're an affliction that was born in the form of a poet?


"I am a poet born affliction"

Hint: Something poets create.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
mel, you strike me as someone who is a phenomal public speaker.
Also, I dissagree with the ganoosh. The second stanza is fine.
In my opinion the rhyme feels out of place.

Promises meant a lot back then.