#1
He had lost himself before, but never amongst so many trees. Their branches drenched in a fine red wine, and the fallen leaves covered in thick frost. A deep breath, followed by the icy shadow of his whisper. He doesn't say much; Just what he thinks will grab your attention. Nobody hears him. Trees cannot listen. How could anyone expect them to? Only He, who is surrounded by a living, breathing forest could. Expecting unreasonable results is what got him lost in the first place, so now he just whispers them. It couldn't hurt to try, right? One day, these trees might speak back. They may tell him about travelers who had been stuck in this frozen forest before, and which way they had to go to escape. They may tell him him a hint of a hidden passage, beneath the snow-packed gravel. They may tell him how their branches became soaked with wine. They may even tell him he's beautiful. They may tell him nothing, yet he still expects a familiar voice to be heard from those strange trees.

Every time a whisper is heard, a scream becomes silent.
#5
Quote by itwasaghost
He had lost himself before, but never amongst so many trees. Their branches drenched in a fine red wine, and the fallen leaves covered in thick frost. A deep breath, followed by the icy shadow of his whisper. He doesn't say much; Just what he thinks will grab your attention. Nobody hears him. Trees cannot listen. How could anyone expect them to? Only He, who is surrounded by a living, breathing forest could. Expecting unreasonable results is what got him lost in the first place, so now he just whispers them. It couldn't hurt to try, right? One day, these trees might speak back. They may tell him about travelers who had been stuck in this frozen forest before, and which way they had to go to escape. They may tell him him a hint of a hidden passage, beneath the snow-packed gravel. They may tell him how their branches became soaked with wine. They may even tell him he's beautiful. They may tell him nothing, yet he still expects a familiar voice to be heard from those strange trees.

Every time a whisper is heard, a scream becomes silent.


OK i see the prose form now. I was just still intuned to the beat and song that I wrote right before reading this that I just misread it (if that is what missing the structure could be called)

Anyways there is a ton of great imagery here and a lot of great poetic phrases. I really enjoyed reading.

Only one thing I did not like. "Expecting unreasonable results is what got him lost in the first place" I think this should be eliminated completely. It does not contribute to the poem at all. Perhaps replace it or rephrase it. Like "Lost, he resorted to unreasonable thoughts and so ... "