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#1
this is for your worst jokes ever

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables. The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. "Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."
#3
Two TV aerials got married. Apparently the wedding was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

BA DUM TSCH
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#4
What's brown and sticky?

TS's mom. Lawl.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#6
Quote by Ed Hunter
Two TV aerials got married. Apparently the wedding was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

BA DUM TSCH



Ahh man I am so lame

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#7
Quote by Zero-Hartman
What's brown and sticky?

TS's mom. Lawl.


Wrong, the correct answer is obviously parkin cake.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#8
Quote by Ed Hunter
Two TV aerials got married. Apparently the wedding was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

BA DUM TSCH

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#9
Why cant a car play soccer?


Because it only has one boot
(lawl at the americans that wont get it)

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're a little young to be smoking
#10
Quote by Ed Hunter
Wrong, the correct answer is obviously parkin cake.

You're just making shit up now.
Quote by Kensai


Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#12
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're just making shit up now.





plz b mai frand

Also, why don't people from Ukraine wear baggy boxers? Because chernobyl fallout.

You have to say that out loud.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#14
Quote by J ! N
What do you call epileptic lettuce?

Seizure salad.





I dunno will this joke make sense to non-irish people, but...

Who is the nicest guy in the hospital?


the ultrasound guy
#16
Quote by Ed Hunter


plz b mai frand

Also, why don't people from Ukraine wear baggy boxers? Because chernobyl fallout.

You have to say that out loud.



Dat sum Scotch eggs?!

God I love this thread thus far.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#17
Quote by J ! N
What do you call epileptic lettuce?

Seizure salad.



Quote by ShallowEndings
Ah **** it, might as well contribute.

What do you call epileptic lettuce?


Seizure salad.


0_o
#18
What did the psycholgist say to the mint? Your Menthol


How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut

What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice Fingers

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese

i could go on for a while with these hehe I love bad jokes
#19
What's the similarity between a parrot and an anchor?


They're both made of iron, except for the parrot
#21
Why did the girl fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms

BA DUM MUTHAFUCKIN' TSCH!!
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#23
What has four wheels and flies?

a rubbish truck.
Member Of The Australia FTW! Club. PM Alter-Bridge or The_Random_Hero to join. Australians only.

I Play the Bagpipes.

they actually are a pleasant instrument.
#25
How do you confuse an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it's from...


...apologies
#26
Quote by JD89
How do you confuse an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it's from...


...apologies



Too far. I'm an archaeology student and opened my toilet lid to find a piece of toilet paper with my lady's period blood on it this morning.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#27
Quote by JD89
How do you confuse an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it's from...


...apologies



that was good.
Member Of The Australia FTW! Club. PM Alter-Bridge or The_Random_Hero to join. Australians only.

I Play the Bagpipes.

they actually are a pleasant instrument.
#28
Quote by xFilth
What's the similarity between a parrot and an anchor?


They're both made of iron, except for the parrot

RIP Gooze

cats
#29
Two black footpaths are drinking at a bar, when a red path bumps into one of them. The black path was about to turn around and mouth him off when the bartender stops him and says "leave it alone mate, that guy's a fucking cycle path".

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#31
Quote by Ed Hunter
Too far. I'm an archaeology student and opened my toilet lid to find a piece of toilet paper with my lady's period blood on it this morning.

You're not supposed to flush them are you?
Basses:
Fender Precision Bass
Fender Jazz Bass
1967 Fender Coronado Bass II
Warwick Star Bass
Squier Precision Bass TB
#32
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, shite!"


sorry to you Irish people.
Member Of The Australia FTW! Club. PM Alter-Bridge or The_Random_Hero to join. Australians only.

I Play the Bagpipes.

they actually are a pleasant instrument.
#33
What's brown and sticky?


Anal
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#34
Quote by consecutive e
You're not supposed to flush them are you?


It was just a bit of toilet paper, don't worry, son.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


Quote by titsmcgee852
I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#36
A piece of string walks into a bar;
String: "A pint of Fosters, please"
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here"

A second piece of string tries his luck in the bar but also gets turned away.

A third piece of string ties a knot in himself and then walks up to the bartender;
Bartender: "Are you a piece of string?"
Third String: "No, I'm a frayed knot"
#37
Quote by Ed Hunter
Too far. I'm an archaeology student and opened my toilet lid to find a piece of toilet paper with my lady's period blood on it this morning.



lmao i feel your pain
#38
Quote by GuitarGuitar
I don't get TS's joke??

I don't think anyone understood my footpath joke either. It's actually very funny

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#39
What's the similarity between a mosquito and an elephant?

Both fly, except the elephant.
| | | | | | |

'What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end'



~I'm a girl.~
#40
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

nothing. Chimneys can't talk.

I saw it in teh newspaperz
"I will endure, hide away...

I would outrun the scythe, glaring with failure"


Opeth - April Ethereal
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