#1
This is a poem true
for every single one of you
who have questioned why
the snow falls only in the winter
and then has realized that its always winter
somewhere in the world

That is to say

This is a poem true
for every single one of you
who have realized in a summer fever
that every man is dying and living
constantly and forever

That is to say

take that knife off of your throat
you silly idiots
and love how much you hate;
embrace the cold
and when you're old
you'll somehow be content
Last edited by #1 synth at Oct 20, 2009,
#2
Lovely message, odd line breaks... I'll come back to this
Quote by Arthur Curry
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minterman22
tateandlyle
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#4
Hi, Dylan.

I loved this.

Sincerely,

Cory.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
i really enjoyed this, it made me a little warmer than your usual stuff.

but this seems arguable;

"that every man is dying and living
constantly and forever"

how so?
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#6
This is a nice piece.

As a personal preference though, I didn't like the line,

"take that knife off of your throat"

For some reason the blatant violent/suicidal imagery ruins the tone of the piece...

...like those mushy black spots on bananas....


......
#7
Quote by Snowblind 911
i really enjoyed this, it made me a little warmer than your usual stuff.

but this seems arguable;

"that every man is dying and living
constantly and forever"

how so?


the argument would be we are living to die. as far as we are biological it is our duty to rot back into the earth. Simultaneously, we necessarily must breathe, eat, and procreate, as that is what we are born to do. The contradiction inherent in human existence is just that. We are dying insofar as we are living and we are living insofar as we are dying because we cannot be doing either without also be doing the other. I can go on for hours on the subject and bring in nihilism, existentialism, Nietzsche, Hegel and all the rest if you want but it starts to get pretty boring pretty fast.

and the knife part has to be there because this is essentially a poem warning myself that if I don't free myself from the ad infinitum reoccuring boredom of self-destruction then that is all the legacy I will have. I'll look into phrasing it differently though.

thanks all of you very much for your words. leave links if you can.

<3 you Cory
#8
Quote by #1 synth
the argument would be we are living to die. as far as we are biological it is our duty to rot back into the earth. Simultaneously, we necessarily must breathe, eat, and procreate, as that is what we are born to do. The contradiction inherent in human existence is just that. We are dying insofar as we are living and we are living insofar as we are dying because we cannot be doing either without also be doing the other. I can go on for hours on the subject and bring in nihilism, existentialism, Nietzsche, Hegel and all the rest if you want but it starts to get pretty boring pretty fast.

and the knife part has to be there because this is essentially a poem warning myself that if I don't free myself from the ad infinitum reoccuring boredom of self-destruction then that is all the legacy I will have. I'll look into phrasing it differently though.

thanks all of you very much for your words. leave links if you can.

<3 you Cory


I disagree with _A_ (sorry); I loved the placement of that line. It jolts you but then it's just as quickly disarmed when you say 'silly idiots'. I'd personally like to see it stay.

I totally understand what you mean, I was moreso questioning the 'forever' part of it. Once we die we're not living or dying... just dead. We're all living and dying while we're alive, but after that? Maybe I'm missing something.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#10
Alright, after a few days of thinking about it and rereading, I figured out how to say what I was thinking. This poem, while it has a great message and makes me look so kindly upon you, is worded in a very haiku-ish 'words of wisdom' detached sort of way. I feel like instead of making me connect, it's just creating some kind of aphorism or something you would expect at the end of Aesop's fables and chant to children without them actually taking it to heart.

Regardless, it's nice. It's good writing. I just didn't feel you even though the message was meant to be a powerful one.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#11
i actually liked this. i enjoyed this more than your usual stuff (which i can't really "connect" with most of the time, tbh.) the writing was well done and the message was expressed in playful, but effective manner. really liked it. reminded me of the mountain goats a bit.
#12
well i think its safe to say this was a very affecting piece. You know what it is and how it works. I really enjoyed reading it. I'll try to get your next one better.
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