#1
Sucking in the rigid air
Trying to stifle my despair
hollow breaths and empty words
Mind is crippled, thoughts deterred.

Marching up the peak
With eyes blinded we start to speak
Searching for the answer to the question
Indignation towards nature's mason
Screaming with implication
Overwhelmed with realization.

Frost bitten senses and false pretenses
All abused by a shadowed conseses
Preemptive strike on a peaceful target
The suspicious god becomes lethargic

Marching up the peak
With our eyes blinded we start to speak
Searching for the answer to the question
Indignation towards nature's mason
Screaming with excitation
Overwhelmed with realization.

Questioning my physicality
Cannot defeat this diseased mentality
The truth contorts, stinging my mind
I open my eyes, and the lies are outshined.

First actual song that I've written musically, now am attaching lyrics. It's prog-metal, but anyway, here are the lyrics.

C4C!
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I stick stuff in my pee hole.

Gear:

Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
Last edited by Wulphy at Oct 21, 2009,
#2
I think this is really cool
I love they rhyme scheme it's really well thought out
I think you should change it up a bit tho
it's very a-a b-b
Still a really great piece and i hope it all works well for ya when you put some music with it
#3
I like the message your putting across. I do agree with the post above me about the a-a-b-b rhyme scheme. Im not a big personal fan of that particular scheme, as it seems too clichey, but otherwise, great job
Quote by skaterskagg1
Gotta have more shaft!

Don't sig that!


Just because you said not too!
#4
Thanks, guys. Yeah, I felt a complicated rhyme scheme would make it harder to work into my song, so I made it basic. Once I get better at musically writing, I'll use more complex rhyme schemes.
Quote by Ur all $h1t
I stick stuff in my pee hole.

Gear:

Schecter C-1 Classic
Ibanez S670PB
Stratocaster MIM Standard
Marshall MG30 (its purple )
Dunlop Crybaby Wah