#1
You've got a silver necklace and a shimmer in your eye
I'm starin' at you like explosions on the Fourth of July
and if you catch me like a copper, baby, I'm no bad guy
I'm just inspired by you
and the way you do the thing's that you do

Because you're the girl of my dreams
I know it's a cliche, but it's the way that it seems
I'm giving you the key to my soul
do with it what you wish, baby, just let me know
because I've strung my guts out on a line
and if you let the buzzards eat me, well, maybe that's fine

It's been ten short years since I met you that day
in the field between our houses where we all went to play
and it killed me watchin' Billy as he swept you away
'cause I knew he'd break your heart
I shoulda let you know from the start

Because you're the girl of my dreams
I know it's a cliche, but it's the way that it seems
I'm giving you the key to my soul
do with it what you wish, baby, just let me know
because I'm twiddling thumbs and counting the days
until you open up your heart to hear what I've got to say

We're sitting by the lake as you cast out your line
and I tell you 'bout the hopelessness I felt all the time
but I swore I'd keep trying 'til the day that I died
because darling, I love you
and now I know that you love me too

Because you're the girl of my dreams
I'm glad you finally noticed how my heart did teem
with admiration of your soul
you're the only truth that I'll ever know
and your beauty could drown the whole sea
baby, honey, darling, won't you marry me?
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Nov 11, 2009,
#3
Quote by rebelmidget
You've got a pearl necklace


i lol'd. i'm sure that there are plenty of other immature people that will too.
#4
Quote by guy_mtx
i lol'd. i'm sure that there are plenty of other immature people that will too.


I didn't at first but after I read your reply I laughed quite a bit.
Quote by acjshapiro

Quote by Vrstone87

meh, I've listened to every radiohead album and honestly don't get what everyone loves about them.....


cause you're ****ing stupid

#5
Quote by blklzrd
shorter


Write a longer critique and I'll consider it
Grow up boys, it's funny, but seriously. I know it's the internet, but c'mon.
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#6
I loved it. As I read through it I realized that it is exactly how I feel and I'm sure how so many other people feel. You were just one of the few that found the perfect way to say it.
#7
I love the story element to this and enjoyed the pace & rhythm!
It's nice how it's personal -you're talking to 'the girl of your dreams'

Not much of a crit, but I just liked it!
I really enjoy reading your pieces
let these flat chords just break your heart...
#8
i liked it a lot. it seemed cliche at just a few parts, but your acknowledgment of that in the chorus made up for it. the only line that doesn't sit right with me is this one:

and if you catch me like a copper, baby, I'm no bad guy

i mean ... every lyric can have a melody that justifies it. unless you do, i'd consider tweaking that one a little bit. i don't know exactly what throws me about it. "copper" and "baby" probably. depends on the genre it were to go to i suppose.

all in all, good stuff though!
#DTWD