#1

We sat on our bench, yet again, and went through the ritual of making sure no one was around to hear our thoughts. You said you liked banana ice cream and I admitted I cried myself to sleep last night. We were both in bad shape. If it wasn’t for this meeting, I would probably be happy. Good thing we decided against happiness.
The light hit the side of your face and exploded into tiny glistening particles, making your skin shine like a sea on fire; a smooth, silk-like sea that I wanted to caress for all eternity.
As I was staring you down, you were suddenly self conscious, as if I didn’t know you so well, inside and out. I remembered it’s been five years since I met you for the first time, back when we were both as beautiful as the burning ocean.

I met her at a Laundromat. One day our machine broke and I was wearing my last pair of underwear. Some people call coincidences like that “fate”, but I tend to think of it as a universal sense of humour. She was nothing special, but the thing about having a sense of humour is that you need to know your audience. And the universe definitely had me all figured out. And just like that, I was no longer a beautiful deep blue sea of self importance and sensible waves. I was a dirty, stormy, life devouring monster, boasting a surface that reflects light like the dark side of the moon.

You made me conscious of my faults, my damaged upbringing, lack of manners and sloppy appearance, and I let you. I was the smoke tainted dartboard, and you were playing me every night, chucking dart after dart while consuming tequila shots to the level of not caring where you hit. Gut, heart and soul, you loved hating us. We were the outlet to your anger, your fear of death and the fact that no matter how much I loved you, we both knew that in the end you’ll die alone and lonely, probably face down in a bucket of banana ice cream.


This is not a pipe
#2
i like your words.
Gear:
PRS SE Singlecut, blue with stoptail (my baby)
Line 6 Spider III 75 (shut up)
Epiphone Les Paul standard
Cheapo Yamaha nylon string
even more cheapo Fender steel string acoustic
#3
This was really beautiful. It was humorous, yet as serious as a funeral, and I enjoyed that. I usually find myself getting distracted while reading, which is one of the reasons that I don't come to S&L that much. And this isn't me not liking to read, because I like to read. It just happens. Yes, that did have a point, and here it is. I really found myself wanting more. The time went by so quickly while reading it that I got a little sad when I reached the end. It was really interesting and well done.

I don't think I have any real crit, just comments, so I suppose I'll stop here.

I would greatly appreciate it if you read, critiqued, and maybe even offered some help for my piece, Sometimes (it's a working title).

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1219450
#4
Sickly sweet and twisted, Carmel. You know I love a good ending and you delivered a killer right here. You've got a real knack for prose, the way you create such strong and believable characters and situations in such little time and space is beautiful. I really enjoyed this.
#5
Loved it. The last paragraph just drove it home for me. Much like what kdownes said, you are able to create such a vivid picture, very belivably too with only a few words. I found this piece to be enjoyable. The introduction set the tone and the rest followed but in a slightly different way which was just the bit it needed. The ending, again, was my favorite part and I liked the last line too.

I know I didn't give much of a crit but there really isn't anything I don't like. If you could take a look at my piece it would be much appreciated, thanks. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1219712