#1
on the spotz. crit for crit.

You arrived with travel bags:
luggage of vegetables, cables of all kinds,
pens to write about any flower you may find
and a fervid heart picked from a garden
somewhere in Paris.
A coquettish air exposing the truth
hidden behind mirror reflections, figures of wax and picturesque eyes.
These days i look both sides before crossing the streets-
Happy to be wherever it is that I am.
I keep a set of warm sheets under my bed
next to a small wooden box stuffed with hundreds of ghosts
that haunted me once in my sleep.
Put all the flashlights in my house inside recycling bins:
Don't need them anymore, we don't need.
Been tied to vaudeville scenes and Mother Earth's dreams
yet the sky has never seemed clearer.
I wake up on mornings with a bed under my pillow,
a radiant smile in the mirror, the smell of yr skin somewhere
outside of my window and a heart in my head
that can't thank God enough for aeroplanes.
Last edited by cubs at Oct 22, 2009,
#2
I love your word choice. This is how I wish I could write.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
"Been tied to vaudeville scenes and Mother Earth's dreams"
really like this

I love the little french word connections (hope that's not just coincedental, I'll be crushed) to go along with the overall theme. Strong flow. The images are very quirky and clean and you've got such a unique and refreshing idea.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#4
wow, thanks Ganoosh. means a lot man.
thanks you two for your kind comments. feel free to leave links, really. i realize i rarely crit other people's work, and i'm trying to change that.
#5
I would feel bad if you returned a crit just for me typing two sentences. If you must, just hit the next thing you see me post.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black