#1
I've been getting tired of everybody I see lately. All the skater kids and shit like that, not that I have a problem with them, just the fakers. It's become a trend instead of something contained to a few people. So that is what this song is about and a couple lines are about related topics. It's a really grungy song with a pretty heavy riff backing it up and it's the first piece in a while I believe i've kept a constant theme. It's pretty short so i'm thinking about adding another verse. C4C


Monkey See, Monkey Do


Plastic pieces and synthetic souls
Styles just a state of mind
Masquerade in a wax mask
Flee from this inevitable candle

Monkey see, monkey do
Follow me, I’ll follow you
Easy come, easy go
Mother gives way to a spotted doe
Grow
Old

Migrant minds and rusting roles
Infestion of emotion
They just breed too quickly
For us to control

I notice patterns within your ways
I notice the change in the past few days
I notice how we come and go
I know what I know

Monkey see, monkey do
Follow me, I’ll follow you
Easy come, easy go
Mother gives way to a spotted doe
Grow
Old
Last edited by muel333 at Oct 24, 2009,
#2
i like it, it sounds like theres alot of red hot chillis influence but then its done in a unique way at the same time, well down
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
#3
I like it. If flows well. I dunno about the grow old voices thing though. I guess I'd have to hear it. Are you considering adding like a riff or something?
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
#4
Well on the grow old part it would be the main singer singing "Mother gives way to a spotted doe" and then it's complete silence as the two voices harmonize, the second singing "Grow". The two join together on "Old" as well. When we were practicing this for my band it seemed to work but only if we hit the right pitch or it sounds like crap. We have the song finished in terms of the music, I was just writting the lyrics for it and decided to post them today. Hope that cleared it up a bit and thanks for the crits. If you guys want anything looked at, i'd be happy to.
#5
It flows really well. I don't know if it's supposed to be punk/hardcore, but it feel like it is from reading it. If it is, I would say leave it as it is: a nice short song that gets the message across fast and easy.

Could you crit my post? It's not finished, and I know where I want to take it, but I don't know how to get it there. Any comment (good or bad) would be appreciated, and any help such as advice or ideas would be even more so.

Sometimes

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1219450
#6
I don't like the second and last stanzas-they're too underdeveloped to stand with your other parts, which were magnificently written. Other than those, I really loved this piece.
#7
Quote by guitarlord28
I dunno about the grow old voices thing though.


Agreed. I like the piece quite a bit except for that part. Its just hard to imagine lyrically, you know? I'm guessing putting music in it would make it make more sense. Anyways, good piece. Keep up the good writing!
Quote by skaterskagg1
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#8
alright cool, thanks guys. I'm taking out the harmonizing details to avoid further confusion and am currrently revising the piece a bit. Thanks

EDIT: I have tweaked both verses so if anyone who has previously seen this reads it again, please comment with your thoughts on the change.
Last edited by muel333 at Oct 24, 2009,
#9
im gonna disagree with hippieboy. i think too mush developing is bad. i mean. what makes people like songs is usually that they cant connect with it in some way. when it's almost impossible to understand, it hard to like it a ton. I liked it though. good.


Check this out if u wouln't mind, and let me know what you think
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1220177
leave some milk for the cows!!!!!!
#10
Its preaty good
great maybe a litlle short like you said
but still its going great as of now


Ps:I oulden know what the song was about without the description
#11
This was good.
One of the few things that I feel confident enough saying that if enough production went into it (musically speaking), I would listen to it.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#12
I have to say the lack of punctuation bothered me throughout the piece. Apart from that, the lines are very broken and do not associate with one another mostly, and I find it hard to follow. There seems to be ideas skipping all over and it lacks cohesiveness. It does feel a little underdone, but I think that it can be developed more.
This is not a pipe