#1
Hey, new guy here >_> want some input on this piece I've toyed with for a while

When I lose something good
I feel the need to get it back again
Yet I keep losing inspiration
Just giving all up is too easy
Maybe this field isn't suited for me
THen when I decide to leave
My heart has some jealousy
My brain says it's a sin
When my soul wants it back again

I left the battle with no scar
But the war beat me hard
I tried to shoot out the moon
When your stories came so soon
I yelled leave you said when
I said if I can't get m world back again

If I can't get my world back again
I hope it just dies off
Is it a sin?
Is it a sin for me to wish destruction?
#2
Well, my advice is don't spend too much time tweaking it and changing it. Instead, write new things. You aren't going to get any better just by changing something you've already written. The way you improve is to write new stuff. Plus, the more you tweak something, eventually it will lose its original feel and start to get worse.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black