#1
careless enough to care enough,
stumble sideways through dogwood tunnels and
stop to take a piss on a bowing birch herbivore
devouring the leaves it feeds needlessly.
hop a fence to get to the water tower up and
over the chain link where your pants get caught
and a piece of denim rips off that resembles perf-
ectly a portrait of a beardless lincoln after a day at the
office or market or wherever.
striding now hand in hand-less eerily to lake erie,
across old salt mines and landfills that need
refilling,
empty fountain sodas and
tin foil hats and empty garbage bags and
tin foil hats and empty backpacks and
tin foil hats and...
our approach is measurable to the words we
list and listen loudly to,
to get away from is to stay right where we are,
to undermine the whole operation,
tie it tight with dental floss or fishing line or
whatever we can find.
this is an adventure,
onward and
forthright.
your combat boots are laced too tight and
so are mine,
lake erie you are
ours.
Last edited by rushmore at Oct 25, 2009,
#2


This is really great. There is some great imagery that you've captured and I particularly love how you've placed significance on some pretty insignificant things. The extra detail makes this I think. "chain link where your pants get caught" etc. Writing in 2nd person fits this so perfectly. It's really raw. I don't enjoy the ending that much but everything else is spot on!

If you could crit my latest work "smiles" that would be most appreciated!
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1220189
#3
awesome again. very strong push then a pull for the second half. Great read.

I was expecting a different feeling tonewise about lake eerie but my i've only been to its southern side in northeast pennsylvania, cleveland and surrounding northern ohio, to new york up to buffalo. But the objects, actions, and content were what got me to connect to this and connect this to the lake. Just not so much the voice. It was good, just not what i expected. Just saying I guess.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
I'm really starting to fall in love with this series. Really.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#6
I liked it. I have not yet read the other parts of the series and do not know how each one depends on the others to understand but I liked this. I will definately go back and read the earlier parts. The ending to this was marvelous and just the fit for the piece. Other than that, I have no other comments except it was a good read and I'll check out the others.

If you could, would you please crit mine. Many thanks
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1220944