#1
This can't be real, this is a dream.
My mind has gone, I'm unseen.
In my slumber, in my shell,
Someone wake me, from this hell.
I just wander, I can't believe my eyes.
My emptiness astounds me,
My whole world's a lie.
I do not believe, that which I can't see,
How the fu.ck can I believe in me?
Barren earth, and endless skies,
Full of hate, I'm dead inside.
I knew I was empty, but how can this be?
I'm trapped in my own reality.
Still I wander, I was blind.
My trust in you was confined.
Only you can wake me,
Only you can find me,
Only you can save me,
Only time will tell.
Still I wander.
Still I dream.
Still I want her,
Still I hide.
I just wonder, what have I done?
Set asunder, I have no one.
They'll forget what you do,
They'll forget what you say.
But the feelings, never go away.


Just some lyrics I wrote.. Let me know what you think.
#4
Quote by Katastrophik
I'm thinking I'm going to give it a Dio/Iron Maiden feel to it.

yeah would be cool, but i think at the beginning acousitc guitars would also fit in... and later it goes distorted or something like that
#7
Quote by Katastrophik
This can't be real, this is a dream.
My mind has gone, I'm unseen.
I like this beginning. However, when you say, 'I'm unseen', I would change it to I am unseen. It flows better IMO. Besides that, great beginning.

In my slumber, in my shell,
Someone wake me, from this hell.
I just wander, I can't believe my eyes.
My emptiness astounds me,
My whole world's a lie.
Nice section. Not really much to change here, if anything. I espcially like the way you split up the rhyme scheme, with 'My emptiness astounds me". Its clever.

I do not believe, that which I can't see,
How the fu.ck can I believe in me?
Barren earth, and endless skies,
Full of hate, I'm dead inside.
I knew I was empty, but how can this be?
I'm trapped in my own reality.
Still I wander, I was blind.
My trust in you was confined.
Only you can wake me,
Only you can find me,
Only you can save me,
Only time will tell.
Still I wander.
Still I dream.
Still I want her,
Still I hide.
I just wonder, what have I done?
Set asunder, I have no one.
They'll forget what you do,
They'll forget what you say.
But the feelings, never go away.
Great last section. Couldnt really find anything to say except phneomenal writing. Love the last line. Great ending.


Just some lyrics I wrote.. Let me know what you think.


Your obviously a talented writer, as this song shows. I love your writing style. Keep up the good work.
Quote by skaterskagg1
Gotta have more shaft!

Don't sig that!


Just because you said not too!