#1
I'm not sure how much of this I can take,
It's only been a couple of days,
But I'm in a dark place now wondering how you're doing,
And if you're coping; honesty is key.
Silly questions but I'll have to be honest too:
Are you too idle to notice that I'm still a part of you?

"Trust me.
I'll always be there.
I'll always be there."

Your words lack meaning when there's no sign of action,
These words are my reaction.

I'm thinking about fighting the mirror,
When I stare in my eyes to see the battle I'm losing or have lost,
I'm trying to make it out for myself and,
I'm trying to become a better man,
So I'll just hope that you're alright,
But that's a lot to wish for when it tears me up inside.

"Trust me.
I'll always be there.
I'll always be there."

Your words lack meaning when there's no sign of action,
These words are my reaction.

I can tell by the way your voice moves through my head,
That this is it.

What do you want from here?
I may as well be staring at a blank page,
With a pen in hand.
Would you prefer that?
I'll write and I'll ask you:
Is this going to work?
I'll hand you the note.
I'll take the silence as "no."
#2
i really liked the last stanza, good usage of suggestive writing, but sometimes I get the feeling that your rhyming is a bit forced, especially:

Silly questions but I'll have to be honest too:
Are you too idle to notice that I'm still a part of you?

Not a very original choice of words i think, but overall I enjoyed reading it

EDIT: the action and reaction thing really didn't work for me, I think those two lines really need some improvement. Sorry I said it so bluntly
Last edited by Equivalence at Oct 25, 2009,