#1
The only working title i can think of so far is "Incohherant Ramblings of a Retard"

Incohherant Ramblings of a Retard


Intro (ABCBAA)

We wandered the aisles of the pound
A third time passed the herd of misery
You were new, frightened, perfectly timed
As we left we saw you under lock-n-key
This was no hound it was a clown
Our clown, not fitting in, not in the pound

Verse I (ABCAB)

We grew up together, living with each-other
Growing, playing, loving developement
Living through the bad times, the phases
We would cross the lines, hurting the other
Biting, fighting, living in contempt

Chorus (ABAB)

You are proud, behind a shroud, a wall
Your disguise is blown, you're all on your own
Your courage, trickled down to a crawl
Such a long way down, you're forced to atone

Verse II (ABCAB)

Then we prospered in our good times
Our fights merely a glitch in the system
A friendship stronger than any other
Based on not words but feelings and signs
My best friend ever, humans, who needs them

Chorus (ABAB)

You are proud, behind a shroud, a wall
Your disguise is blown, you're all on your own
Your courage, trickled down to a crawl
Such a long way down, you're forced to atone

Outro (ABCC)
We will keep going with this cycle
Forever being together
Leaving all the others at bay
Because this friendship is here to stay


(super lame rhyme at the end there)

This is the first probably finished song I've written and I'd really like to improve on my songwriting, I know it's just a matter of writing, writing and writing but if people could give any comments on whether "you started off writing stuff as crap as this when they started" or whether "I should just give up now on trying to improve because I won't " it would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. If anyone actually gives me a crit please ask me to give you one back for it if you want one because I will assume none of you wants a crappy opinion from a crappy songwriter/UG noob.
I wasn't sure whether to post it here or in the techniques sub-forum or something so sorry if I've infringed any rules and feel free to take it down if i have done so.