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#1
Welcome to your new Relationship Thread!

- Mission statement -


The Relationship Thread is for questions, advice, and general discussion about everything to do with relationships. If you're having girl or boy trouble then you belong here. Whether you're in a relationship, trying to get in one, or trying to get out of one, we're here to help. And we know our shit.

First of all, if your question is about sex, then you're probably better off asking it in the Sex Thread. Also, though we can give you a lot of advice to deal with a break-up in here, try the Hugging Thread if you're just looking for a friendly shoulder to cry on.

Also, if your question is about friendship rather than a romantic relationship, we can still help you out so ask away.

See, it's quite a lot like the last thread really. Thanks a lot to everyone who contributed, but in particular to our last couple of TSes (Freezer Burn and thedefrockednun) for their wonderful FAQs and first post layouts, which I'm adapting and rewording here. Those two UGers deserve a lot of the credit for what you are about to read.

The regulars


In alphabetical order we have: Colohue, domino92, Freezer Burn, hawttieblonde69, Heminator89, InTheFlesh!, MHDrunk, lordofthefood1, rigiddigits, SomeEvilDude, SomeoneYouKnew, thanksgiving, thedefrockednun, The Spoon, Thrace, Vad Hamster

You can count on any one of those users to give you a considerate, intelligent answer to your question. If you'd prefer to keep your problem private, send any of us a PM and we'll be happy to help you out. And if you'd like to be on that list, start posting good quality regular advice if you haven't been doing so already, then send me a PM and ask!

Also sorry if I forgot anyone obvious, let me know

The rules


Yeah, you heard me. Rules, baby. It's a new idea for this thread. The RT is obviously subject to the same essential posting rules as the rest of the Pit, but there's no reason why we shouldn't aim a little higher in here and make this a friendly place to be. Our standards fell by the wayside occasionally in the last thread, so let's go over a few basics. I promise it won't take up too much of your time.

1. READ THE FAQs ON THE FIRST PAGE!!! They will answer many of your questions without you needing to spend time writing a new post. Different bits are written by different people, but it's all here on the first page. It covers everything from breakups to first date ideas; from cheating to the Friend Zone.

2. Please try to make your post coherent. A little punctuation never hurt anybody. That means DON'T type the whole thing in one long sentence without taking a breath, DO break up your post into bite-size paragraphs so we can read it easily, and check over what you've written before you push the Reply button to see if it actually makes sense. If it's a long story you're telling, a TL;DR or quick summary at the end always goes over well. And let us know if English isn't your first language, but otherwise you kids have no excuse.

3. Play nice, guys. I mean it. If you don't agree with something that's been said, you don't have to flame the person who said it. It might win you admirers in other threads, but it won't in this one. We're here to give people the know-how to help themselves feel better and become more confident in their relationships. Sometimes this involves a bit of a reality check for them, but think about the tone of your answer before you post. Love hurts. Your advice shouldn't.
This goes for the regulars too, and I'm only saying this once – Infighting, passive-aggressive comments and catty remarks toward each other and toward new posters will not be tolerated anymore. It's childish and it undermines what we're trying to do here. If your post is against the forum rules it will be reported. No exceptions.

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Topic of the week!*


*Or whenever I feel like doing another one.

Another fantabulous idea of mine. We know that there's much more to this thread than questions and answers. I can tell from some of your replies that lots of you here are really smart, and have some interesting viewpoints on different issues to do with relationships and love in general. So, I'm trying out something new, and we'll see how it goes. Basically, every so often, I'll set you guys a burning question, for example 'Can long-distance relationships work?' or 'What do you think causes infidelity?' and then you write your answer in a blog on your profile, and link us to it in the thread. Sound like fun?

The best ones will become part of the front page resource. This will a) get you many moar profile views, b) help you to work out your personal ethics on relationships and c) show everyone how clever you are. It also will help to develop the different layers of the community within the Relationship Thread, which has got to be a good thing.

1. What are your worst habits in a relationship? (9th November)


2. How do you define cheating? Could you forgive it? (16th November)


Check back soon for another blog topic!

First page contents


This is by post number. It should help you get around, and find what you need faster.

1. Intro
2. Main Relationship FAQ
3. Freezer Burn's Ultimate FAQ
4. Colohue: The Importance of Lust in Relationships
5. Hawttieblonde69: Long Distance Relationships
6. thedefrockednun: Questions not answered in other FAQs!
7. Rigiddigits: Girls' FAQ
8. Våd Hamster's Original FAQ and Friendzone FAQ
9. MHDrunk: Maintaining long relationships; SomeoneYouKnew: the Friendzone
Last edited by rigiddigits at Nov 22, 2009,
#2
The relationship FAQ


This FAQ has been worked on by Freezer Burn, thedefrockednun and now by me. It's a pretty flawless user's guide to the main issues surrounding relationships, and you won't go far wrong if you make it your first port of call in a crisis.

I've put this into chronological order, ish, so it reads like a timeline of before, during, and after a relationship - which should now make it a little easier to navigate. Without further ado:

What do I do if I like a girl?
If you take nothing else away from this thread, remember this. Don't tell her you like her. You must show the girl that you like her instead, by flirting with her and using your body language (see guide). Then see how she responds.

How do I get her to like me back?
In order to increase your chances with a girl, you have to get in her head. She's gotta be thinking of you when you're not around. To do that, you've got to keep her guessing. Don't offer yourself up to her on a plate. Don't let her know that you're hers for the taking. If she knows 100% that you like her, she's not wondering whether or not you like her. If she's not wondering, she doesn't CARE. You have to get her to care what you think of her. Then she'll put the effort in.

Uhh...so how do I flirt?
Easy. Flirting is all about having fun. It can involve teasing a girl, making physical contact with her (see guide), just showing her attention in a way that hints you may be interested in her. None of this "you're really pretty" stuff. It's about laughing, teasing, tickling, all of that.

And how can I tell if she likes me?
Staring, smiling, laughing, teasing, shyness, fidgeting with clothes and hair... Does her behavior change when you're there? Or if you start showing her a bit of interest?

I'd like to date, but I think I'm ugly.
Bullshit. No one is that unattractive. I'll spare you the 'beautiful on the inside' pep talk. Having inner confidence is important, but so is looking after your appearance, which helps you to gain that confidence. Your hair, your skin, your teeth, your personal hygiene, your level of physical fitness, your clothes...can all be changed easily. When you're happy, your confidence soars. And that's when people start getting interested in you.

I like a girl who's unavailable.
Back off! Stay well clear of girls that aren't single. You'll get an ass-kicking if nothing else. See Freezer Burn's Ultimate FAQ for more about this.

I'm in love with my best friend!!
Refer to Vad's Friendzone FAQ and Freezer's FAQ for full answers. Basically you have two real options: Get over it and move on, OR get her to like you somehow. But most people in the Friendzone stay there. That's why you have to make sure you don't end up there in the first place.

What does 'bros before hoes' mean?
It means if you know that your buddy likes a girl, and especially if he's intending on asking her out, don't go after her. Even if you know she doesn't like him back, you should really wait and then at least ask his permission. This also goes for dating your friend's sister. It's just generally considered to be morally bankrupt.

I like my friend's ex!
Well, you should decide whether you are going to keep this to yourself, talk to him about it before you know how she feels, or talk to him about it afterward. A good friendship saved is worth much more than a relationship's potential being preserved. And if it doesn't feel right talking to him about it, then it's probably too soon after the breakup, so keep it quiet for now.

How do I ask her out?
Well, there are a few different ways. Here, we mostly agree that the direct approach is best, which works well because it's specific and makes you seem confident: "Do you wanna come to [place] on [day] with me?" If you're unsure, post and we'll give you tips. Ideally you should go on some dates before you start a relationship.

Where shall I take her on a date?
Check out defrocked's list of date ideas. Go with your interests. Are you romantic, musical, sporty or artistic? How much money are you willing to spend? Can you drive?

What kind of gift can I buy her?
Flowers and chocolates are usually well received. Homemade gifts, like a mix CD, or professional artwork are all really amazing - so if you have a talent, use it! Books by her favorite authors, her favorite band's new album, anything that shows you've thought about it for more than a few seconds. If you've been dating for around a year, then jewellery is great.

I'm about to meet her parents, what do I do?
Her mom needs to know that her daughter is in safe hands. Show her that you are sensible and responsible. An important bond with her mom is very important. Have real conversations with her mom, and listen to her answers.
Her dad needs to know that you will treat his daughter with respect. Be a gentleman. Always be extra polite to her when he's around. Also since he's a guy too, you'll probably have stuff in common to talk about like sports, cars, guitars, that kind of thing. Laugh at his jokes too. But don't be a little suck-up.

Her parents already don't like me, can I fix it?
If the parents seem to have taken a dislike to you, just try your best to be polite and respectful, and play by their rules. Don't put your girlfriend in the middle, but do discuss it with her. However if they're dead against their daughter dating, then there's not a lot you can do about it. When she's living in their house, she lives by their rules.

We had a fight!
Apologize for any wrongdoing, don't be too stubborn, but explain your side of things calmly. Look at thanksgiving's guide to arguments in relationships for more info!

I think she's cheating on me!
Do you actually have any evidence? If not, try to ignore your suspicion until you have a leg to stand on. NEVER go snooping through someone's phone, e-mails, or Facebook, even if you suspect there's something going on. My advice would be to talk to a friend who's quite relaxed, and ask if they think it's anything to worry about. Is she being secretive? Do you know that she's lied before? The next step would be to confront her about it. Lack of trust in a relationship is almost as bad for it as a betrayal of trust anyway.

I'm jealous and possessive of her.
Teach yourself to stop. We can help with this. Jealousy comes from insecurity and self-doubt. Relationships involve looking the other way sometimes. If your girlfriend knew about and got mad about every time you checked out another girl's boobs, or laughed at your female friend's joke, or went out to the bar with your friends, you'd feel suffocated, right?

She's jealous and possessive of me!
If she doesn't stop, it will only get worse. Don't allow her to take control of your life. You must assert yourself from the start of the relationship, agree a set of ground rules and stick to them. Cut your losses if it gets too much. Equally, you should look at your behavior and decide if there is anything you're doing that is out of line. If you're not ready to stop doing it, break up. If you want the relationship to work, compromise. Talk to her. Let her know that the way she is acting is making you feel unhappy.

I don't want to go out with her anymore. What do I do?
Break up with her, ASAP. We can help with how and where. A good way of looking at it if you're feeling guilty is that you're stopping her from being happy with someone else by staying with her. She'll hurt for a little while, but she'll be okay. Don't make any unwise promises - e.g. that you won't see anyone else, or that you'll stay friends.

She broke up with me. It hurts. How do I get over her? Should we be friends?
Read domino92's great guide to breakups. If you're having a hard time coping, let us know in the thread or shoot someone up a PM if you want someone to talk to. A bunch of us are on AIM or MSN. The Hugging Thread is great for support during breakups as well.
#3
MY MSN: shadowspark913@hotmail.com so feel free to chat me up whenever!

Freezer Burn's Ultimate FAQ

  • So there's this girl i like, what do I do?
    First off, DO NOT TELL HER YOU LIKE HER. You should show her that you like her, not tell her, as actions are stronger than words. After getting to know her better, ask her on a date. If nothing else, at least get her number.


  • This girl I like has a boy friend, yet tells me she likes me more. I don't get it?
    She's lying to you. You have to listen to what she is showing you through her actions, and not listen to what she says. If she wanted to be dating you instead, she would do so. She's trying to have twice the attention with only one set of strings attached. Don't give her what she wants, because that means she "wins" (if you make it out to be a game).


  • I'm still friends with my ex, and it's not working out, help?
    In my opinion, (credit to rtbsmgsmf here) if you're friends before you date, you're friends afterward, and if you aren't friends before you date, then you aren't friends afterward. However, I'm friends with my exes, I'm just not as close with them as I use to be.


  • I don't like my girlfriend anymore, what do I do?You should break up with her fairly soon. The relationship will not be successful if it is unhealthy. It's honestly not fair to her to have false feelings that you aren't feeling anymore, because we've all been in a situation like this, where you've been lied to (for whatever reason), and it hurts. Besides, if you don't do it now, it'll happen eventually.

  • How do I get over my ex-girlfriend?
    Remaining friends with the ex and constantly hanging out with her won't help at all. If you truly want to get over them, stop talking to them and cut as much contact as possible. My best advice to this question is to go out and meet new girls, they will help you get your ex off your mind. It'll also show her that you aren't a wussbag by being depressed over that break-up.


  • What's the friendzone?
    The friendzone is a "place" where all the guys that are just friends to the girls go when they are too sensitive and overly-nice to a girl. Usually, these guys bare the name of emotional tampon. You don't want to be in the friend zone if you are looking for a relationship because once you're in it, the odds of you getting out are unlikely, but refer to Vad's FAQ for a trick he came up with if you're up for it.


  • Ok I get it, so how do I avoid the friendzone?
    Don't be a wussy around women. Girls love guys with confidence, and guys who can be themselves at all times. When a girl sees a confident man, she instantly (and unconsciously) becomes attracted to him. However, don't come off as someone who you are obviously not (if you're not athletic, don't come off as a jock, etc) because in the long run, she'll figure it out and then it'll bite you in the ass.


  • So I like this girl/my best friend, but she doesn't like me, basically I'm friend-zoned. What do I do?
    Move on. Going after this girl would be a waste of time for both you and her. Save yourself the embarrassment of making a move on her and find new women. Or you can refer to Vad's friendzone FAQ if you want to try and get out.


  • My best friend is dating/dated this girl and I like her. Help?
    -If they are still dating: move on and forget about her, as it's not cool to mess up other people's relationships, especially your best friend's. Think bro's before hoes.

    -If they aren't dating anymore: talk to your friend about it; he may or may not be cool with it, and you should respect his decision. Some people believe that it's wrong to date a buddy's ex but it's up to you and (mainly) your friend.
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
Last edited by Freezer Burn at Oct 26, 2009,
#4
The Importance Of Lust In Relationships

The aim of a relationship is the mutual development of love. However, relationships do not always have to begin under the premise that either side loves the other. More often than not, people are brought together in the beginning purely by physical perceptions of one another, or lust. Some people don’t like to admit it, but the girl who looks kind of alright, so you might go and talk to her? You don’t know her, you just want to go and ask her out because she looks good. Men do tend to admit it, but girls? You know that guy you really like but haven’t really gotten up the guts to tell him because you haven’t really had a chance to talk to but you think he might sort of like you? You don’t know the guy; you’re only interested in him because he looks good. That’s lust, and it’s not a bad thing at all. Almost all relationships, or at least a hefty percentage, are based on this first ‘spark’ of attraction. The ‘love at first sight’, the ‘two ships passing in the night’ etc. is all lust. I’m sure you can see how it might actually be helpful to a relationship.

Lust is necessary for any relationship, especially in the early stages. If you’re not actually physically attracted to somebody then things tend not to last. The infamous ‘honeymoon period’ is a prime example of an expression of lust rather than ‘making love’. At this point you still barely know each other, but a mutual enjoyment of sex is nothing to be turned down. Eventually, sometimes sooner and sometimes later, this section of the early relationship begins to calm down and, if there are any feelings of actual genuine affection and love, the relationship will endure.

The development of love comes from communication and learning about the person that you’re actually having sex with. If you’ve been patient before getting to that period and kept your lust controlled, you’re more likely to know more about each other, but this also means that the other person may lose interest due to the idea that you aren’t actually physically attracted to them. You have to show off the lust a little, or things are more than likely to end before they even really get going.

It is a sad fact that, all too often, people are in relationships based on lust, masquerading under the idea that they are actually in love. This can be especially difficult when you are aware of it and the other person is not. Being in it purely for lust at the beginning is not a bad thing, as has been explained above, but the moment those three words come out of your lips you are bound to the other person by both lust and love. If this happens, it is only fair to end the relationship before it goes too far. Of course, if things are the other way around, and you’ve discovered that you love somebody who you previously only shared lust with, it can be just as soul destroying. Feelings have to be both mutual and balanced.

As relationships develop, so do feelings of love, and sometimes lust is left behind, but the best relationships have both. As an example, I love my friend Ricky, but I have no lust for him, and certainly no desire to settle down and have children with him. It would be nice if he would stay around to be a large part of my life though. A lot of people would argue that there are numerous different kinds of love, but, in truth, mutual love tempered by lust is what relationships, marriages and families are made of. The definition of love does not change, it just isn’t quite complete without a bit of lust thrown into the mix.


A Relationship Flowchart (Love or Lust)

Mutual Interest (Pure Lust)

|

Dating Period (Learning, still primarily Lust)

| |

Aim For Knowledge (Love) Aim For Sex (Lust)

| SEX |

Honeymoon Period (Love/Lust) Honeymoon Period (Lust)

| 'THE TALK' |

Relationship Development (Love) Lonely, Extensive Masturbation (Lust)


Love is the sharing of a life, while lust is the sharing of an experience. Love is constant and underlying, while lust is brief but satisfying. Both are essential.

The main way to develop love is purely through communication. You can’t love somebody that you know nothing about. So, take the time to talk, learn and find out if you really could spend your life with this person. If you’re already declared love, but you’re not sure quite what you’re feeling, ask yourself this question:

Why Am I Having Sex With This Person?

If the answer was ‘because they’re hot’, then why engage in a relationship at all?

Tom Colohue
Last edited by Colohue at Mar 7, 2010,
#5
Hawttieblonde69’s Advice on Long Distance Relationships

In this thread we’ve often had many people come in asking about long distance relationships (from here on out I will refer to it as an LDR). Many regulars will say “Don’t do it. You’ll miss out on life, cheat on each other no matter how committed you are and then lead the remainder of your life thinking women are bitches.” Well, I personally disagree. I was in a LDR for a year and a half and instead of telling you it won’t work or mocking you and you end up trying it anyway with no ideas to help, I have some advice.
(Note: Before you even consider being in an LDR, you need to have been in a relationship for awhile.)


1. Be sure you both know this is what you want. LDRs are difficult and painful; I will not lie to you about that. You will want to cry, sometimes you will want to run away from your life just to see your partner for a day. It will not be easy but it can be worth it. Before you go into it, talk about it, talk about where you want the relationship to go, talk about why you think it will be worth it, and talk about how you will deal with it and how often you will see each other. Maybe you want to go into it having an open relationship (this I DO NOT recommend, if you’re going to have the relationship open and rarely see each other this will lead to jealousy) maybe you want to promise to visit every week or every month. However you wish to go about it, make a plan together

2. Have frequent contact with each other. I don’t mean you HAVE to talk everyday, but have some sort of contact at least once a day. Write an email. Text. Call. (Personally my favorite is to, at the very least, talk before bed every night to say goodnight.) Just stay involved with each others’ lives. But, you also have to keep in mind that you are separate people and need to have your own lives. Don’t get jealous if your SO goes out and don’t choose NOT to go out just because you want to hear from your SO (this is okay sometimes, but you need to enjoy where you are and the new life you have.)

3.Make an effort. This should go without saying but I mean an extra effort to be extra romantic. All the intimacy and romance you would normally have just being together needs to be created through little things you do for each other or say. Compliment your SO. In a normal relationship this wouldn’t be as important because you’re able to be physically affectionate to show how you feel, but now you can’t. Send him/her a text just to say you were thinking about him/her. Write little romantic letters. Send small gifts, like a teddy bear or a mix CD you’ve made. Have “webcam” dates (trust me; those will quickly become your favorite couple time other than actually being together). And most of all, compliment. Whether you’re male or female. When you’re in a relationship in-person your SO knows you find them beautiful or handsome because how you treat them or look at them or even touch them. When all you have is phone contact, those means of communication are not there. So you have to learn to tell your SO exactly what you think of them so the spark doesn’t die.

4. Be intimate. Sounds kind of hard to do over a hundred or even a thousand miles, but it can be done. Flirt, write sexy letters of what you miss doing with him/her, describe your fantasies, have phone sex or webcam sex (if you’re both comfortable with that), send each other naughty pictures, etc. There is no reason that your lust for each other should have to die, just because you’re far apart, and if you can keep that intimacy alive over the distance, it will decrease the likeliness of infidelity because your partner will think of you when they get those urges and tell you about them/describe them to you. This will also bring you closer because you’re able to talk about those intimate things and will also more than likely improve your sex life when you are together because you may learn fantasies or kinks your SO has that you’d never known about before.

5. Have an end in sight. This is one of the most important things you need to do. If you do not have a goal or an endpoint and have no idea when you’ll see each other again or when the distance will end, the relationship will become painful and seem hopeless. If you know that you will be together again permanently in one year it’s much easier than having no idea when the distance will end and having no idea what you’re hoping for. Try to always plan when you’ll visit each other again so you have something to look forward to. My ex boyfriend and I did everything on this list but this and because we did not know when things would change or if they even would, it became too difficult and we ended up breaking up. Do not let this happen to you.

6. Be prepared. There is a good chance that you will not make it. Not for lack of trying but because the age group that is often involved in LDRs is also an age group where you are constantly changing and growing, the person that you left behind may not be the same person you come home to. And sometimes your SO will decide that it’s too painful, or not worth it, etc. Don’t tie your entire life into this relationship because if it ends, it will destroy you if you planned your world around it. Give your all to making it work but if it doesn’t don’t go down with that ship. Have a group of friends you can go to if it does end, don’t isolate yourself. You never know what your future holds for you, so if it does end mourn and miss your ex for awhile but do not let it destroy you or become cynical to future relationships. You will, in time, be happy.

Go into it with a positive outlook. Sometimes a long distance relationship can be more rewarding than you could have initially expected. Good luck! And, as always, I’m open for PMs if you ever need help or advice and, especially if you’re in an LDR, I’m always here if you just need someone to talk to.
Last edited by rigiddigits at Oct 28, 2009,
#6
The Ultimate Defrocked Guide To Making You A Relationship God By Answering Questions That No Other FAQ Bothers To!!!!!!!!!!!!!


First off, I am Ferdi and am British, I'm 17 and have had my share of relationships. If there is one thing that I learnt in the past 4 years, it is that confidence, kindness, generosity and a good sense of humor are the key to being successful with girls. These 4 things can be learned and trained, they most definitely help.
Another thing would be charm, however, I don't believe that everyone can be charming


Furthermore, the mor people like you, the more likely you are to be liked by the people who would like to know you and who would like you if they like got to know you. (k whatever)


How do you see the whole "soul mate" thing?

Well, I won't say whether I believe in the concept or not but I will tell you what meaning it has to me: A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. Together you and your soul mate are one.

I seen all the movie scenes but still don't know how to kiss, can you maybe tell me please?


Sure I can! there are two elements that are important; The approach and the lip lock:

Approaching for the kiss: Depending on your starting position you may just need to turn your head, or you may need to lean in a bit. You may want to use your hands to gently move your partner’s head into position

Lock and load: As your lips make contact with theirs, pucker them slightly and for the love of god, GENTLY you can close your eyes but you don't have to do everything that Hollywood tells you to . Now just move and swiggle around, kiss the under and thn upper lip and just go with the flow!

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend but I still keep thinking about my ex, what shall I do?


That's a tricky one! Depending on the length of your current relationship, you may need to get to know your girlfriend more, have some more intimate moments with her.
This problem usually occurs if you were really heart-broken when parting ways with your ex. It's just a matter if getting over her then. Just cut anything that reinds yu of her out of your life and you will eventually get over her. Moreover, the more serious your current relationship becomes, the less you will miss the old one.

We love each other yet we still have fights from time to time, why?


A bit of fighting is actually healthy for a relationship. We are all different (thank god, imagine a world where we would all be alike *shivers*) and as a result we don't always agree with each other, things like this help strengthen a relationship.
If however you fight all the time, the relationship is no longer fun and it's probably time to separate.

I like a girl but she doesn't belong to my friend-circle, what should I do?

Sit around and eat sausages with chips.
seriously, who cares? Just go up to her and talk, nothing bad can happen to you, just make small talk and slowly get to know her!

I like a shy girl, how do I get to her?

It's a fact that most shy girls enjoy company, they just fail to show it. Do not pay attention to her physical movements because they are totally different to those of outgoing girls (she won't flirt, touch, tease). Just show her that she has nothing to be afraid of, show her your sensitive, harmless side, (your angel side if you will).

I like a girl but she won't date me 'cause her friends don't like me, what shall I do?

If a girl is going to date a guy depending on whether her friends do or don't approve, she is not a girl that you want to date.

How do I approach a girl that I don't know?

Just go up to her and say hi, introduce yourself and make small talk. You can also use the various tricks such as asking for change or commenting upon the book she's holding in her hand etc...

Any neat tricks for initiating the kiss?

Hollywood probably told you to look deep into a girl's eyes. You could try that. Or you could try my thing :

Get the girl to face you (duh) and do as follows: Gently stroke her cheek with the outside of your fingers (hand slightly closed) and in the same movement brush her hair behind her ear. Again in the same movement, bring your hand behind her neck and slowly pull her head (and lips) towards yours and tilt your head to kiss her.

Works like a charm

I just came out of the break up of quite a long relationship. How long until I'll get over my partner? What can I do to speed up the process? Will we still be able to remain friends?


Okay chill with all the questions, you're giving me a headache

Apparently, to get over an ex, takes about half the time you were together.
So if you were with someone for a month, you'll be over them after 2 weeks. If you were together for 6 months, 3 months should do the trick.

In my experience, this is pretty accurate.

To speed up the process, cut the ex out. It seems harsh but it really helps not to worry about them and what they're doing and who they are with etc...

You should also go out and meet new people. Get together with a new person, go on a crazy night out and make out with a person or two, it'll really give you confidence.

I also recommend a rebound relationship. After a long nasty break up, one often has the feeling "nobody will ever love me/wanna date me again". A rebound relationship fixes these problems. And who knows? It may get serious.

The main thing I believe in, is that you can be friends after the breakup as long as you were friends before. No matter how your feelings were for each other during the relationship, you probably won't end up being on good terms. I speak of experience.

What do you recommend for the first date?

On the first date, always ask tons of questions (esp. if you're the guy) for 3 reasons:

1) Girls (and people in general) love to talk about themselves.
2) It show's that you're listening.
3) At the end of the date, the girl will realise that she talked about herself and that she knows little about you. This will make her want a second date (and it'll give you something to chat about on the next date).

My last tip: You are young (if not, this isn't for you). You don't want a real serious relationship just yet. Don't plan on settling down while you're in your teens and early 20s. Everybody needs a time in their life to do crazy sh*t. If you settle down too soon, you won't ever have that tine because it'll be too late.

Last edited by thedefrockednun at Aug 21, 2010,
#7
***Girls’ FAQ!***

by rigiddigits

A FAQ for females. Boys should read it too for insights into the female mind...

My friend told me he has feelings for me but I’d rather stay friends. How can I let him down gently without losing his friendship or making things awkward between us? You need to be firm with him but be kind. It probably took a lot for him to get up the courage to tell you and you should let him know how you feel one way or the other so he can get over the idea of being with you, and move on to new girls. Don’t sugar the pill with compliments but try not to let it show if you’re freaked out either. If you’re plain not attracted to him, don’t be afraid to say so. If you think it’d be a bad idea but you are attracted to him still, you might want to consider leaving that part out. Personally I would. It’d only make things harder IMO.

How can I get guys to respect me? Don’t stand for any crap but don’t be controlling. Ask his opinion on things, listen to what he talks to you about and for god’s sake don’t be afraid to say what you think. Don’t bitch about other girls and don’t go on about your last relationship. Don’t tell lies or deliberately mess with his head, or do things to ‘test’ his feelings for you.

My ex-boyfriend is weirding me out and/or affecting my new relationship. How do I get through to him to leave me alone without making things worse? Tell him once that you want him to stop behaving this way, and if he doesn’t listen to you then cut off all contact, or if you have to see one another, limit it to the bare minimum. You might have to sever some emotional ties with him to do so, but keeping him around will only prevent him from moving on. Don’t keep it a secret if he’s threatening you.

I have a boyfriend, but I’m thinking about somebody else more than him. What does this mean?
In my experience it’s a warning sign that the relationship is over, or will be soon. Things like this are usually a symptom of an underlying issue. If you don’t feel able to honestly continue a committed relationship with him, then end it before things go bad. If you’re sure it’s just a crush and you do want to keep going out with your boyfriend, then try to limit contact with the other person as best you can to take your mind off them and spend more time with your boy. You should also be prepared to let the other person know that you’re in a relationship and you’re going to keep it that way.

I’ve cheated on my boyfriend. a) Should I tell him? b) How can I fix it? c) Should we split up? Again speaking from experience – be honest. It really isn’t worth trying to hide it, and even if you succeed in doing that initially, it'll come back and bite you in the ass. It’s better coming from you, and he’ll only get hurt in the long run if you try to protect him now. If you want to stay with him then tell him so, but don’t expect him to agree. Be straight up with him and apologise genuinely from the bottom of your heart. Don’t beg and plead or make dramatic promises you can’t fulfil. You have a lot of ground to make up. If you don’t think you can maintain a monogamous relationship, or if you think that your broken trust can’t be built back up again, then it’s time to say goodbye and try to learn from your mistakes.

My boyfriend makes me feel like I’m worthless, but I can’t face the thought of breaking up with him. How can I make things better? Seriously, break up with that douchebag. Nobody has the right to make you feel like that and you deserve a hundred times better.

I don’t want to be in a committed relationship right now but I still want to have fun and spend time with guys. How can I let him know I want something less serious without coming off as a slut?
Girl, I know how you feel. Make sure you both know the score ASAP. Make it clear what you want and what you can’t offer him. It is perfectly acceptable and really quite common to wish to avoid serious relationships, particularly when you’re young. It’s often misinterpreted as wanting to sleep around, which is a different thing entirely. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing this. You can still share a great connection with someone without feeling restricted by the boundaries of a relationship; you just have to find the right person. He’ll understand if you explain your reasons clearly, and then it’s down to him to back off if he doesn’t relate to them. Just be up front about it and don’t wait until it’s too late.

My partner is asking me to do something that I’m not comfortable with. Is this worth breaking up over? Will I lose him if I say no? If you’ve thought this through and you definitely aren’t happy taking a leap of faith and giving it a shot, then you need to tell him. It doesn’t mean the relationship is over. You’re not going to have absolutely everything in common with a guy. However, if it’s such a big deal to either of you that you think you’re no longer compatible, then you’re better off apart. The Sex Thread gives great advice if you're not sure about trying something new in bed.

I’m not happy with how my boyfriend lives his life. How can I get him to change? You can’t, sweetie. If you disagree with his lifestyle to the extent that you’re getting mad at him and you can’t see it from his point of view, then you shouldn’t be together IMO.

I'm thinking about ending my relationship, but I don’t want to hurt him. Is it possible to have a smooth break-up?Yes, but don’t count on it. Even if you’re totally prepared with what to say and do, it entirely depends on how the other person reacts and that’s an unknown quantity. Just focus on what you want to say, be clear and honest and don’t beat around the bush. If there’s one phrase to avoid, it’s “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Guys hate that because they don't understand what it means. Do it in person if you possibly can. Don’t expect friendship and don’t compensate for making him upset by saying things you don’t mean. And don’t feel guilty afterward. You did the right thing.
Last edited by rigiddigits at Oct 26, 2009,
#8
Here's Våd's epic FAQ from the last thread.

THE ORIGINAL VÅD HAMSTER FAQ


What women want

You see it all the time, right? The girl you want, walking off with a total asshole. You're thinking to yourself, WHY? You know he will hurt her, and that he's not what she's looking for.

You ask yourself, what does she see in him?

The answer, my friend, is fortunately simple.

BALLS. (Confidence)

By far the majority of women want a man who can take action, a man who isn't afraid to do what pleases him, and be who he is. And stands up for that. Women fall for this very fast. And if there is something that assholes have in plenty, then balls is it.

Although some women actually want to be treated bad, the majority are merely oblivious to their 'bad' side (Humans tend to neglect things, even when they are right in front of them.) As such, trying to reveal the true nature of the asshole to a woman is harder than stomaching 48 hours of straight MTV reality shows.

Does this mean I have the choice of either being eternally single, or starting to treat people bad?

Yes No!

You can have balls like a whale, and still help people off the train with their bikes.

The keyword here is INTEGRITY

Including what I stated above (Beneath the 'balls' text, you can't miss it) you'll need a few things. You can probably imagine a lot, but I'll throw some in here for personal enjoyment and TL;DR value.

A big one is independence. NOTHING is more of a turn off than a guy who can't take care of himself without his mommy, or anything related. A man who can make things work by himself is a turn-on to most women.

Another thing is spontaneity. Women are given cursed with a sense of order and schedule, and thus few things pleases them more than when a guy can take them OUT of that schedule, into something new and exciting.

I'm not talking disrupting her life with dates every other day, nor that you can't have order in your life (this is preferred, actually). AND women DO like security and stability, but heavy repetition is the ultimate female-repellent.


But how do I treat women right, Kurt?


First of all, WOMEN ARE NOT FOR PUTTING ON A PEDESTAL.

You don't treat them like dirt (like you wouldn't any other human) either, but just as another homo sapien. Read Rigiddigit's FAQ for this part, because I'm too tired to type that right now.

Kurt, I like a girl BUT SHE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND!

Then she's off limits. Very simple. Here's why-

Trying to break them up is a dick move, and could land you a trashing if you're unlucky. Making her cheat on him is also a very bad idea, the simple reason being-

If she cheats WITH you, she cheats ON you.


That's a universal rule, NO exceptions. The relationship would be poisoned from the start. Spending time with her and waiting for her to break up with him by herself, is fine, but rarely worth the trouble.


Kurt, help, MY RELATIONSHIP IS BREAKING UP AND WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME!


Ah, you have a problem with something called COMMUNICATION.

I can't begin to cover the massive aspect that is communication, but I can lead you on your way.

If something is wrong in your relationship, you talk about it. Don't know how? I'll tell you-

Sit down, just you and your loved one, somewhere quiet. Now, you must both put all cards on the table. No lies, no secrets, no alterior motives. Only truth.

This is important because you MUST treat your partner as an equal in this situation. You both have a problem, and only together can you solve this.

Speak gently, with understanding, and care for your partner. It is not anybody's fault, it is something you must conquer together.

They key to a healthy communication line is that both individuals get heard, respected, and understood.


Kurt! How do I tell if a girl likes me?

Use your logic. If she likes you she'll want to be around you. She'll keep her attention towards you, touch you, look at you, be in a good/hyper-ish mood.

She will also try to look her best around you, so she'll fling her hair around, make sure her clothes are in place, etc etc. Look for signs that she wants you to notice her.

Girls are VERY simple when it comes to this. You shouldn't be in doubt if a girl likes you.

THE ULTIMATE FRIENDZONE FAQ.


So, you have been FZ'd, and you're wondering what to do. Now, in most cases I would say do what everyone else tells you, and just move on.

HOWEVER- for the people with big balls, and a slight emotional deathwish, here follows the most epic thing you can do when FZ'd.

You use her security against her. If you are FZ'd with a girl that DOESN'T have a boyfriend, you can use this. Otherwise, it won't work.

If you recognize these quotes:

''You're the only one I can tell these things''

''You're so good at listening''

''You're the best friend I have''

Then you are the in the perfect situation (as much as it gets when FZ'd)


Here comes the kicker- tell her you've found someone who you're really interested in. Preferably someone who doesn't even like you(as to not hurt that girl's feelings)
Now, what you want to do is pretend to like this girl, and use all the time you used to use on your FZ girl on her instead. Or pretend to, it really doesn't matter.
When she calls you, or wants to see you, tell her you have to go out with the other girl, and the few times where you actually see FZgirl, talk about the other girl ALL the time.

This will cause an utter shock in the mind of your FZgirl. She was completely certain she knew where she had you.

She was proven wrong. This provides two things women love-

Uncertainty
Drama

Chances are she will also start to miss you (even if you were just her emotional tampon) And THAT, is exactly what we want. This can lead to two things-

Her going FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU- and being in a completely out-of-it state. This gives you the pleasure of internally laughing at her, and you will have the satisfaction of having the last word, as you leave her in the dust. From here on, just stop talking to her at all. Move on.

It can also spark a golden opportunity. There is a slight chance she will develop romantic feelings for you in this process, and this is to be exploited.
If FZgirl starts to touch you alot, flirt more heavily, and generally SHOWER you with attention, that is good indicator that our plan is working.

Soon there should be an opportunity when she leans in on you just right, giving off all the right signals. Now, seal the deal, and BINGO. You got out of the friendzone.


How do I know this? It happened to me. We lasted for 2½ years, and it was the best relationship I ever had. (others report good results as well)

It might work, and it might not. But hey, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
Last edited by rigiddigits at Oct 28, 2009,
#9
MHDrunk's guide to maintaining long relationships

I am a university student from Melbourne, Australia, male, and in a healthy, fulfilling relationship that at the time of writing has lasted 26 months. I work on the premise that one can only advise on what one has experienced - as such everything I say here I have learnt from my repeated mistakes and failures, and everything I say here I have applied to the effect of great success.

One thing I have learnt is that healthy, long-lasting and fulfilling relationships are inevitably hard work. You need to fully accept and appreciate this before you get anywhere with them. If you think relationships should be easy, or you think something along the lines of 'if we were right for each other, the relationship would come naturally and be easy', then your thinking is gravely flawed, no further advice of mine will help you, and have fun with your future dysfunctional relationships and the trail of damaged people (including yourself) that you're sure to leave behind.

It is fundamentally important to your relationship that you recognise problems early on and 'nip them in the bud'. People can be - understandably - averse to acknowledging a fault or problem in themselves, their partner, or their relationship. Essentially they are facing a reality that runs against their perceptions of said reality. While you don't want to over-analyze things or create problems out of nothing ('I notice that you are very close to your mother/female friend, I should be able to provide you with whatever she does, so let's work on that' is ridiculous, for instance), you need to be able to identify problems and potential problems early on because the nature of relationship problems is that they ferment and exacerbate without proper attention and appropriate action.

The size of this guide is going to be far too large to fit into this thread, so what I've given above is an introduction. I've started a blogspot for it, which I will update. Feel free to PM me or mention in this thread if you want a certain subject covered in a blog post - this, I imagine, is how most of the advice on the blog will come about.

http://relationshipadviceforug.blogspot.com/



The dreaded FriendZone
by SomeoneYouKnew

What it is.
How to avoid it.
Why you won't want to go there.

In the course of inter-personal exploration, there are certain pitfalls. Traps that work against our efforts. One such trap is the FriendZone. I'll be speaking about this from a male perspective, but the inverse is also true: Although much less common, a girl can find also find herself in the FriendZone.
"Any girl who would put a guy in the FriendZone is a manipulative bitch."

Contrary to popular belief, a girl doesn't put a guy in the FriendZone. He puts himself there. He allows a girl to have what she wants, without any "cost" to her. No effort, no reciprocation, just a freebie.

Is there any wonder a girl would gladly take advantage of such a deal?


Common male mistakes that lead him into the Zone:
"I love her so much, I'd do anything for her."

First of all, this one is usually not what it seems on the surface. The heart of this is not a selfless motivation. On the contrary, the guy is desperate for her and wants HER to have feelings for him. Feelings he is unable to inspire by his own worth. Even if the girl was inclined to have genuine interest in the guy, he just destroyed her view of him as being someone worthy. By his actions and attitudes, he places her far above himself, with no reason to do so. Regarless of the girl's self-image, she now sees him as inferior. She knows this to be true, because he proves it to be true. Why would she have desires to partner with him? One always strives for the best they can get. No matter what, she can always have him anytime she chooses.

Logic dictates she'll first try for better. Then settle for him, if she can't do better.


"She has a boyfriend. I can't have her now, but I can prove my worth to her as a friend. Later, when she breaks up with this tool, I'll be first in line to win her heart. I'll have proven to her, I am a kind and caring person, so she'll choose me."

Looks good on paper, but that one just doesn't hold true. By attending to her needs while she's with a guy who doesn't take care of business, the guy becomes her emotional tampon. The problems flow out and he soaks them up like a sponge, giving her what she needs: Attention. Affection. Assurance - that her feelings matter. By providing this service, he not only delays her separation from an unsuitable partner by enabling her to endure the partner's lack of support, but he also defines his permanent role in her life. He's her repair guy. When she's broken, he fixes her. What's the cost to her? Nothing, really. Just come to him with her problems and he gladly fixes them.

Even more damaging than enabling her to stay in a bad relationship is the message that he'll be with her, no matter what. Why would she want to throw that all away? If she hooks up with our hero, who will be there to catch her, if it goes wrong? No one. If her repair guy is now the romantic interest, she doesn't have a safety net.

He can no longer be the one she runs to, when he becomes the one she runs from.


"If I become friends with her, I'm in a better position to become romantic with her."

Not really. While it's true there needs to be a small level of familiarity (no one in their right mind takes up with a complete stranger), there needs to be curiosity, a desire to explore - learn more. If there's no mystery, there can be little to discover. One of the most rewarding parts of building a relationship is discovery. We don't always find what we were imagined might be there. But often the surprises can be very healthy for the relationship. Working around small problems is a challenge. But we grow by working though these challenges. And learning to compromise allows us to grow.

So the winning combination is a small amount of familiarity for comfort and a large dose of mystery and intrigue. If you can cause her to want to know more, she'll spend the time with you to find out for herself.

Spend only enough time and effort to generate her interest in you.


"But women always say they want a guy who's caring and sensitive.
Are they liars?"

They're not lying. They actually do want this. But that comes later. Much later. In the beginning, your job is not to answer all the questions. Rather, it's to create all the questions. By creating ambiguity, you cause her to want to find the answers. Maybe is so much more powerful than yes. If she KNOWS she can get you, this is much less desirable to her than if she MIGHT be able to reel you in.

If you're a challenge, getting you will be her prize.


"I can break out of the FriendZone any time I want."

Well, maybe you can. But you're gonna have to bring your A-game, my friend. You're going to have to un-set all the precedents you previously set. And, you'll have fewer mysteries to provide. A radical change in your actions and behaviour can perceived as a character flaw on your part. But it's the only way to change the rules of the game. Rules that you previously created.

All-in-all, the best way to get out of the FriendZone is to never go there in the first place.


Conclusion:
"Well that settles it.
Now that I know what the FriendZone is, I'm never gonna go there with any girl.
Not now, not EVER."


You could go that way. And mostly you should go that way. But there are certain people who might be worth going to the FriendZone with. You never wanna go there with any girl who you will want to date. And if a girl has little importance in your life, it's really pointless. But there could be a girl or two who are appropriate to be FZ'd with. Of course you'll want to make a slight change to the zone itself.

If for whatever reason, you never plan to hook up with this girl, yet you find her interesting and enjoyable to be around, yes. You might choose to be that close to her emotionally without physical involvement. People like that become family, of a sort. Much as you would a sister who you love and respect. You share an emotional bond with them, completely devoid of romance. But again, the word "share" is key. There is a give-and-take involved. You help each other. And you learn more by helping than you can if you are the person who's facing the problem. You have a more detached, objective point of view. If both of you benefit from this, it's definitely worth doing. This is love of a very different form. Both a symbiosis and a genuine desire to help someone you care about, but without any thought or desire for being their partner. It can be a beautiful and rewarding thing, as long as neither develops a desire to turn this into a romantic relationship. If that happens, it becomes a terrible mess. You'll want to reserve this kind of zone for those rare few people you have developed a stable, non-romantic history.

I'm not saying you need to have those kinds of relationships.
Only that they're possible.

Knowledge is power.
SYK
Last edited by rigiddigits at Nov 4, 2009,
#10
1st, Loving the new thread and the FAQ's look epic Hope it will be as good as the last

EDIT: Rigid, do we have our 1st topic of the month yet?

EDIT EDIT: And I forgot to say ofc, thankyou rigid for the great job

EDIT EDIT EDIT (08/04/2010): I never came here as much as I mean to :-(
Last edited by phan at Apr 8, 2010,
#11
Rigid, I am dumbfounded as to how well you did with all of this. I've read over it (about 80%, will read the rest when i get home) and it's just "fantabulous" (as you put it ). Well done, I have a feeling this RT will soon be the best one yet!
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
#12
First page

Great FAQ!
Quote by TheChaz
I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Hitler could have been aborted
#13
Quote by phan
Rigid, do we have our 1st topic of the month yet?
Not quite yet, I'm going to wait for about a week so the thread gets properly established. Plus I won't be around much until I get paid on the 30th, because my internet got cut off today, lame. I'm typing this in an internet cafe.

Don't say I never do anything for you

Also remember to sticky, everybody!!
Quote by Freezer Burn
Rigid, I am dumbfounded as to how well you did with all of this.
Thank you very very much. It means a lot coming from you
#15
Whatup dawgs?

Bring on the problems hoe's
"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you."
"Why is it like.. top secret?"
"No."

Last.fm
#16
Well Rigid, you've out done yourself (and all of us).

Brilliant new thread! The era of British RT TSs continues!

Many thanks and much respect for the hard work!
#17
Indeed, kudos to Rigid you've done a great job and really looking forward to the blog ideas and stuff like that, woop.
"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you."
"Why is it like.. top secret?"
"No."

Last.fm
#18
Can you guys believe that this is already the 9th edition of the RT? That's ridiculous lol.
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
#19
Well done, guys. Maybe I should write a little FAQ on the deeper psychological bit of attraction and stuff.
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#20
First page

Awesome

I dont even use it

Edit:

I do have a couple of questions, but that requires a story.
Shall ask later.
#21
Any idea where Thanksgiving and Vad's FAQ's are?
"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you."
"Why is it like.. top secret?"
"No."

Last.fm
#22
In the old thread I would presume

I asked Rigid to just put it in where she wanted itoh lawd, but last I checked it was pretty messy, and doesn't really fit the new thread's orderly design.

If she wants it here regardless, then awesome. I'd love if she could clean it up a bit for me, maybe put in her own stuff or whatever, and then put it somewhere. Nothing I'd love more than see my brainchild grow (and I don't have time to clean it myself atm.)

*bribes Rigid with skittles vodka*


VÅDIT if you don't feel like it, I'll do it myself at some point obviously

VÅDIT FROM THE FUTURE- Things that need to be in the next thread-


Quote by greenelephants
Ok guys, brace yourself for a big one

Dude. Not long ago I broke up with my girlfriend. She's been a ridiculously important part of my life, and probably always will be. She showed me a different side to girls in general, and I learned a lot about how they (and people) think from our relationship.

There's one good thing.

She made me change my approach to people, and turned me into a nicer person, really.

There's two good things.


I learned a lot in terms of sex.

There's three.


I started actually wanting to make effort for someone other than myself, which tbh I wasn't sure was within my capacity as a person.

Oh look there's four good things I took from that relationship. And there are many more.


And you're telling me I'm unlucky?

I broke up with her. She really did end up hurting me very badly for a good few months, possibly made me feel worse than any one person ever has done. She sort of took all of those good things, and took all of the effort I made and through it back in my face. She became dismissive, treated me like nothing, took my effort totally for granted and pushed me completely aside for her new friends. Whatever, it's irrelevant.

But no matter how much I did love her and how much it hurt when she ****ed that, I don't regret going out with her in the slightest. Next time, as well as carrying all of those new things with me, I can also learn from the mistakes I made that led to the pain of that relationship. I know now more about dependancy and independancy etc. I know how to not let it happen again.

Look man. You can come on here and read the FAQs, or look up tons and tons of guides online or in books as to what mistakes you shouldn't make with girls. But a good lot of the time, that's all bogus to you. The greatest guide to avoiding a painful breakup is a painful breakup.

---- <- that's a line. The best thing to do in times of desperation and lonliness and unrequited love is to draw it under everything that's happened. Start afresh. No matter how hard she creeps back into your mind, you keep drawing that line over and over again, ignore the thoughts, go out and distract yourself- find someone else. She's not one of a kind. Trust me. And even if she was, everybody likes something a bit fresh.

The ultimate healer however is time. She will slowly slip out of your head. In time. The only way to stop this from happening is to not accept that it will happen, and to constantly fight it by thinking about her and how hurt and heartbroken you are.

You'll wake up mornings and think about her. Get out of bed. Do something. Find other people.

And one day you'll wake up, and your first thought will be the essay you have to write, or who's going to win the world cup or something. And you're well on your way to being over her.

______________________________________________

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Blackwaterson89/blog/84483/
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Jul 26, 2010,
#24
Quote by Våd Hamster
In the old thread I would presume

I asked Rigid to just put it in where she wanted itoh lawd, but last I checked it was pretty messy, and doesn't really fit the new thread's orderly design.

If she wants it here regardless, then awesome. I'd love if she could clean it up a bit for me, maybe put in her own stuff or whatever, and then put it somewhere. Nothing I'd love more than see my brainchild grow (and I don't have time to clean it myself atm.)

*bribes Rigid with skittles vodka*


VÅDIT if you don't feel like it, I'll do it myself at some point obviously


This needs a huge thats what she said
#25
Yay new thread!

OPINIONATED STATEMENT

Meaningful Song Lyrics
Inside my signature
Make me look deep
And misunderstood


Quote by Pannenkoeken
Out of context hilarious quote!


Quote by Pannenkoeken
Out of context compliment!


My Gear:
Awesome Shit
Cool Shit
Shitty Shit

#26
Nice job on new thread!

cant wait to see what the monthly topic thing turns out to be like

I suppose to get things started again ill contribute my situation that hopefully others may find relevant at some point.
University, my 1st time living away from home, i only moved in a month ago. Naturally you spend a lot of time making friends with the people around you, the people staying by you, the people on your course or sports team etc. by this time ive become very good friends with the people on my floor and most in my block. So one night were having a night in as a group of us that haven't gone off to visit family that weekend, those of us that were left pretty much sat drinking and talking and having a good old time in someones room. one thing leads to another and somehow there are 5 of us lying on the bed in the dark spooning, the girl i was spooning is fit and nice so i felt her up a bit and she was grinding back in my neighbour's bed.
I would suppose that this brings a few problems to me. 1st off the neighbour doesn't know (classic), what to do about the girl, will this end is social disaster?

well here's what im doing. i dont know how the girl feels but that's not really important, all we had was just a bit of fun, and a little fun here and there is all im looking for, so im happy. about telling our friends, i havent said anything yet, theyre all a good bunch of people and wouldn't judge if it came out, cant see anything bad coming from this, in the long run of friendship ill probably be telling on myself. It won't end in social disaster, i am happy with everything.

to get some chatter going, some advice and opinions on the situation?
#27
Quote by 07bevanm
Nice job on new thread!

cant wait to see what the monthly topic thing turns out to be like

I suppose to get things started again ill contribute my situation that hopefully others may find relevant at some point.
University, my 1st time living away from home, i only moved in a month ago. Naturally you spend a lot of time making friends with the people around you, the people staying by you, the people on your course or sports team etc. by this time ive become very good friends with the people on my floor and most in my block. So one night were having a night in as a group of us that haven't gone off to visit family that weekend, those of us that were left pretty much sat drinking and talking and having a good old time in someones room. one thing leads to another and somehow there are 5 of us lying on the bed in the dark spooning, the girl i was spooning is fit and nice so i felt her up a bit and she was grinding back in my neighbour's bed.
I would suppose that this brings a few problems to me. 1st off the neighbour doesn't know (classic), what to do about the girl, will this end is social disaster?

well here's what im doing. i dont know how the girl feels but that's not really important, all we had was just a bit of fun, and a little fun here and there is all im looking for, so im happy. about telling our friends, i havent said anything yet, theyre all a good bunch of people and wouldn't judge if it came out, cant see anything bad coming from this, in the long run of friendship ill probably be telling on myself. It won't end in social disaster, i am happy with everything.

to get some chatter going, some advice and opinions on the situation?


Ok I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions because I feel a bit confused. So you like this girl (or maybe just want to have a no strings attached thing, idk) and she is single (I'm assuming, i didn't understand the whole neighbor part) and you felt her up one night while you were both drunk (or tipsy to say the least). It shouldn't end in social disaster (unless I'm missing something HUGE) and I'd say to just keep hanging out with her and have your fun (as long as you both know it won't go anywhere).

If I'm wrong with any part of this post, lemme know!
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07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
#28
Quote by Freezer Burn
Ok I'm going to go ahead and make some assumptions because I feel a bit confused. So you like this girl (or maybe just want to have a no strings attached thing, idk) and she is single (I'm assuming, i didn't understand the whole neighbor part) and you felt her up one night while you were both drunk (or tipsy to say the least). It shouldn't end in social disaster (unless I'm missing something HUGE) and I'd say to just keep hanging out with her and have your fun (as long as you both know it won't go anywhere).

If I'm wrong with any part of this post, lemme know!


+1

Unless she was taken and the owner goes on a bat-chasing rampage against you, there should be no mayor consequences; to even word it better, there shouldn't be one at all from what you've typed in. There's always the possibility she/you may develop an emotional attraction to you and the reaction from either of you is unknown to us besides foreshadowing the obvious. Hopefully, since you two were partially there (being drunk and all ) and you were all having a good time in terms of plain old fun in general, we can suppose nothing big will occur. Of course, this is all speculation afterall, so who knows?

I'd say as long you don't make a big deal out of it, it won't affect anyone with groundbreaking changes. Don't mention it to her and total awkwardness shouldn't rise between you two either.
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Last edited by RR787 at Oct 26, 2009,
#29
Quote by 07bevanm
well here's what im doing. i dont know how the girl feels but that's not really important, all we had was just a bit of fun, and a little fun here and there is all im looking for, so im happy. about telling our friends, i havent said anything yet, theyre all a good bunch of people and wouldn't judge if it came out, cant see anything bad coming from this, in the long run of friendship ill probably be telling on myself. It won't end in social disaster, i am happy with everything.

to get some chatter going, some advice and opinions on the situation?


Unless it goes further and you develop an actual relationship they don't need to know; it's none of their business and unless you really feel like it's something you have to share with them then don't worry about it.
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#30
Quote by 07bevanm
Nice job on new thread!

cant wait to see what the monthly topic thing turns out to be like

I suppose to get things started again ill contribute my situation that hopefully others may find relevant at some point.
University, my 1st time living away from home, i only moved in a month ago. Naturally you spend a lot of time making friends with the people around you, the people staying by you, the people on your course or sports team etc. by this time ive become very good friends with the people on my floor and most in my block. So one night were having a night in as a group of us that haven't gone off to visit family that weekend, those of us that were left pretty much sat drinking and talking and having a good old time in someones room. one thing leads to another and somehow there are 5 of us lying on the bed in the dark spooning, the girl i was spooning is fit and nice so i felt her up a bit and she was grinding back in my neighbour's bed.
I would suppose that this brings a few problems to me. 1st off the neighbour doesn't know (classic), what to do about the girl, will this end is social disaster?

well here's what im doing. i dont know how the girl feels but that's not really important, all we had was just a bit of fun, and a little fun here and there is all im looking for, so im happy. about telling our friends, i havent said anything yet, theyre all a good bunch of people and wouldn't judge if it came out, cant see anything bad coming from this, in the long run of friendship ill probably be telling on myself. It won't end in social disaster, i am happy with everything.

to get some chatter going, some advice and opinions on the situation?


Well, you've no need to tell either your friends or the guy who's bed it was. As for the girl herself, do you want a relationship with her or not? You said you 'just wanted a bit of fun', so I presume not; thus you don't really need to do anything. Just keep hanging with her and take what comes as it comes. Assert yourself if you wanna get your dick wet, but just let things happen as they do.
#32
Sup players?
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#34
Nice job

What's the topic of the moment?
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#35
Quote by 07bevanm
the girl i was spooning is fit and nice so i felt her up a bit and she was grinding back in my neighbour's bed.
I would suppose that this brings a few problems to me. 1st off the neighbour doesn't know (classic), what to do about the girl, will this end is social disaster?
lolwut? what does the neighbour have to do with the girl? why would he care? Unless you jizzed on his bed, no harm, no foul.

If there's more to the story, you'll have to be more specific about his role in all this. Else, no worries.

Quote by 07bevanm
all we had was just a bit of fun, and a little fun here and there is all im looking for, so im happy. about telling our friends, i havent said anything yet, theyre all a good bunch of people and wouldn't judge if it came out
again, where's the problem? you had a nice moment, the moment is over. nothing all that noteworthy. not worth mentioning. if someone else mentions it, nothing to hide.
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#36
Is saying goodnight to the girl you wanna be in a relationship with to over the top. We work together and have been out a couple of times and its' been great.

Thanks
Dom
#37
Quote by Dom1487
Is saying goodnight to the girl you wanna be in a relationship with to over the top. We work together and have been out a couple of times and its' been great.

Thanks
Dom
Are you texting her?

I think it's fine either way, but it does depend on how you say it. And also, it varies from culture to culture.
#38
Quote by AngryGoldfish
Are you texting her?

I think it's fine either way, but it does depend on how you say it. And also, it varies from culture to culture.


how should I say it shes sick I was gonna say: "Goodnight (insert name) I hope you feel better and I miss you"
#39
Quote by Mazzakazza
^Eh. What do you mean, why wouldn't you say goodnight. Or do you mean texting her or something.

Edit: Maybe not the miss you part, just yet. Makes you sound needy. How about 'Night (name), hope you feel better soon'. That way, she knows you're thinking of her, but without sounding


In my own little world:
There's a pretty cute girl in my new karate dojo, but the way I have it figured out, she's the Sensei's (half, possibly) cousin. That's slightly offputting if they turn out to be a really protective family, but then she could probably hand my ass to me without his help.
Disregarding that, I'm having trouble finding time to get her on her own...I know very little about her, not even sure of her first name. She always smiles if we make eye-contact though. (A handsome looking rogue like myself, why not.) Any ideas as to when I could try to get her attention a bit more? In the dojo, there isn't to be a lot of chit-chat between students, it's pretty disciplined...so. :/


yeah i mean texting her
#40
Quote by Dom1487
how should I say it shes sick I was gonna say: "Goodnight (insert name) I hope you feel better and I miss you"


Depends totally on circumstance. It better not be an isolated text or facebook message or something. Tell her Goodnight (insert name), hope you feel better in the morning only if it's to end a conversation that's already running. And don't say 'I miss you'. Leave it at 'Goodnight, hope you feel better in the morning' maybe with an exclamation mark on the end.
O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!

The music winners listen to