#1
fast punk beat, with some post hardcore riff styles mixed in.

let me know what you think

Intro -
Wait, you left your heart at the altar

Verse 1 -
Broken hearts and shattered lives
You cant hold for long with these ideals you cling to so tightly
Blatant lies and deceptions
When these precepts fail, they wont let you fall so lightly

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.

Verse 2 -
But at this rate your running,
it makes me question if my efforts are in vain 2x
Dont say you're unworthy,
this is just another scheme to believe. 2x

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.

Bridge -
Bury the hatchet and dont look back

Dont look back.

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.
Last edited by ninja.kitty at Oct 27, 2009,
#2
Intro -
Wait, you left your heart at the altar
Nice opening

Verse 1 -
Broken hearts and shattered lives
You cant hold for long with these ideals you cling to so tightly
Blatant lies and deceptions
When these precepts fail, they wont let you fall so lightly
In the second line the rhythm seems a bit off to me, but since this is a song, it might be fine depending on the way it's sung.

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.
I love the metaphor in the first two lines, but the last two lines seem kind of cliche.

Verse 2 -
But at this rate your running,
it makes me question if my efforts are in vain 2x
Dont say you're unworthy,
this is just another scheme to believe. 2x
"Your" should be "you're", sorry, I needed to point it out The rest of this verse is fine

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.

Bridge -
Bury the hatchet and dont look back

Dont look back.
I like how this ties in with the chorus and brings a sense of conclusion, good stuff

Chorus -
And if this hatchet represents your actions,
its sinking further and further into your skin
I wont let you endure this pain any longer.
Take my hand, i wont let you go alone again.


Well done, I can say I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, and thanks for critiquing mine.
#3
It's pretty average in content. The theme is overdone, but that's pretty hard to dodge these days. I would say that you could have put a new spin on it, used a less common imagery and phrasing and perhaps utilise less generic rhymes.

It's okay as a song, but it doesn't bring anything new to the table and might fall into the trap of being forgettable. If you want to make an impact you have to put yourself into the words and be original when you're approaching such a subject, that has a million songs dealing with it already. Expand your vocabulary, think about original lines to describe common ideas and bring through yourself and what makes you unique.
This is not a pipe