#1
There are living statues
on the boardwalk, people
standing in the Friday wind, but still
as if to deepest sleep
they are enslaved.
Their eyes are glazed but looking forward
at her body swaying to the words
her lips are singing, weighing down
their ears, heavy from wanting.
She has no fear, in a gleaming
dark green dress, she moves like sounds,
like notes that round the scales
of living.
It’s jazz time on the seashore,
bass beats at their leisure climb
the skins of breathing mannequins,
entrapped and wrapped in her low voice,
their choice of movement has been taken
from their hands.
And now the band has stopped from playing,
yet she still stands in front of them,
in silence, naked, bare to soul –
and all this time, no one is moving.
There are living statues
on the boardwalk, people
simply listening.


This is not a pipe
#3
'mel, this was quite lovely.

Sometimes, I feel that you cram too many adjectives into a sentence and it grows to be far too long. Perhaps a short sentence every now and then?
Promises meant a lot back then.
#4
I must say, this has a lot of potiential underlying meaning, some might not even really be intentional. I can feel a lot of what is happening, a break down of the borders of the senses, to where they all meld into one. when that starts to happen, i am usually smiling.
#6
This was pretty; but like Ted said... this is one piece where I felt like there were 400 adjectives to every word. It was lovely, but I just kept getting caught in "what ISN'T this describing" which tended to get in the way of my read.

Still, this read down the page well and I enjoyed it for what it was.

If you could bump evening dew in sig, I'd appreciate it
#7
Quote by Carmel
There are living statues
on the boardwalk, people (like this linebreak )
standing in the Friday wind, but still
as if to deepest sleep
they are enslaved. not sure i like the inversion of the syntax here. It works fine though. just not sure i like it much...
Their eyes are glazed but looking forward "looking forward" sounds like too much focus on the wrong thing. could be wrong.
at her body swaying to the words
her lips are singing, weighing down
their ears, heavy from wanting.
She has no fear, in a gleaming
dark green dress, she moves like sounds,
like notes that round the scales
of living.
It’s jazz time on the seashore,
bass beats like the shoutout to steve at their leisure climb
the skins of breathing mannequins, interesting
entrapped and wrapped in her low voice,
their choice of movement has been taken
from their hands.
And now the band has stopped from playing,
yet she still stands in front of them,
in silence, naked, bare to soul –
and all this time, no one is moving.
There are living statues
on the boardwalk, people
simply listening.




very nice, yet again. I think you got a good job done of using words that sounded and felt like a jazz band playing. ending got me involved which i loved. I guess I like the feel of this most. Great to see you post as always.
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Park that car
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