#1
Not a YLYL idea thread…
One joke per post, no longer than 4 full lines.
Those ones can do a lot for an awkward conversation.
Avoid the / lulz man / that's great / genius posts


Mine:
Do you want me to tell a joke, the other way around? Laugh first.
^I know, it sucks.
#5
Quote by Emo-Slayer
This thread.


lulz man
That's great
Genius Post
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#6
Op
My gear:
  • Fender American Standard Telecaster
  • Ibanez RG450
  • Laney VC15
  • Electro Harmonix HOG
  • Vox Satchurator
  • Blackout Effectors Musket fuzz
  • Electro Harmonix Pulsar
  • Earthquaker Devices Disaster Transport
  • Malekko Chicklett

#8
Quote by jordan_yeah11
inb4Women'sRights

A seal walked into a club.



FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-
LARGE TEXT
#9
Why did the hotdog wear a turtleneck?
BECAUSE HE WAS A CHILI DOG
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
-Wayne Coyne
Last edited by iantheman at Oct 26, 2009,
#10
Hey, I was just in the kitchen looking for my keys. They were on top of the fridge, it seems.

No trouble, ri- Oh, wait...


#13
Quote by PhillyHendrix

lulz man
That's great
Genius Post



lulz man
That's great
Genius Post
Gear:
Epiphone Archtop Dot
Ibanez RG120
Peavey ValveKing 112
Dunlop Crybaby
Boss Distortion Ds-1
MXR Carbon Copy
Rocktron Banshee Talk box
#15
whats similiar between a plum and a chicken?
theyre both purple except for the chicken

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#17
So, how about them Russian Gymnasts?

They're always in a hurry!


>_>
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#18
best short joke ever?
look in your pants.
Quote by thanksgiving
That is quite unique...

Quote by navarreguitaris
What? She said "just solder it back together"?


Quote by JacobTheMe

"Hey guys check out this cool penis!"


LOL
#20
I was at a cash machine the other day when an old lady asked me to help her check her balance, I pushed her over and she broke her hip.
El-Danny

Quote by americnidiot
You keep seeing songs like KoC, SMBH, and Hysteria showing up on games, but I want Micro Cuts on either Rock Band or Sing Star. I want to see numerous masses of kids staring at the tv wondering what the hell they're supposed to do.
#23
What about this?
12 legs of venison for £20.
Do you think that's reasonable,
Or do you think it's a bit deer?
I hope it doesn't seem, like I'm young, foolish, and green.
Let me in for a minute, you're not my life but I want you in it


O Dayya, te echaré de menos, siempre

Y siempre
Y para siempre
#24
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.
Tonight, we stagger out from the basement...


I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

...Or fall to our deaths from above
#25
Quote by Bamitchell
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.


Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Midget.
Midget who?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#26
Quote by Bamitchell
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.


I said Tom Cruise, did I not?

#27
Quote by Bamitchell
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.
Hey, I did one.

Well, I tried... Kinda...


Sorta...


#28
Quote by PhillyHendrix
Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Midget.
Midget who?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell






You have just restored my faith in the Pit!
Tonight, we stagger out from the basement...


I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

...Or fall to our deaths from above
#29
Quote by Bamitchell
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.

Yeah, we all got the short end of the stick here...

Ba dum tsh
I hope it doesn't seem, like I'm young, foolish, and green.
Let me in for a minute, you're not my life but I want you in it


O Dayya, te echaré de menos, siempre

Y siempre
Y para siempre
#30
One day a barber was contemplating the success of his business and the friendships he had developed over the years. A while later, the local florist came in for a haircut. He gave the florist a fine haircut, and afterwords when the florist asked the barber how much he owed, the barber said "No Charge. It's free today because of the fine service you provide to our community."
Later that day, a truck brought the barber a box containing a dozen long stem roses. In the box was a note which said "Thank you for the service you provide."
The next day the local chief of police came in for a haircut. After he was finished with cutting the police chief's hair, the barber told him "No Charge. I'm thankful for the service you provide for our community."
The next day when the barber arrived at his place of business, he found a placard hanging on his door which read "Most Valuable Business".
Later that day, the leader of the local Republican Committee came in for a haircut. Once again, when asked about the bill, the barber said "No Charge. I appreciate the service you provide to the community." That same day, an award from the Chamber of Commerce was delivered to the barber and placed on his door. The next day, the leader of the local Democratic Committee came in for a haircut. When asked how much was the bill, the barber told him "No Charge. I appreciate the fine service you provide to the community."
The next day, when the barber arrived at his shop, he found ten more Democrats lined up for free haircuts.


So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.

He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last.

He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right.

He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.

He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.

By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he's been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that'll be all he needs.

As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights.

Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars.

He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they're full of sand. He so thirsty that he can't even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He'd forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn't noticed it the night before because he'd been in his car.

He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn't the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day.

He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He's not sure. He'll go a little farther, and if he still doesn't find water, he'll try drinking some of the fluid.

Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do.

Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking.

As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that - when you stop sweating he knows that means you're in trouble - usually right before heat stroke.

He decides that it's time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can't wait.
Quote by MuffinBrain




OH GOD!!!

I definitely didn't see that one coming.
My first lol stack

SIGNATURE

tacos are an excellent source of everything thats in tacos
Last edited by chaimwitz at Oct 26, 2009,
#31
^ I read all that I am dissapoint


Yours Sincerely,


Dr. Speakers
Last edited by speakers at Oct 26, 2009,
#32
Do you want me to tell a joke, the other way around? Laugh first.
IN/ RAINBOWS
IN RAIN/BOWS
IN RAINBOW/S
IN RAINBOWS/
IN RAIN_BOWS
RA D IOHEA_D
RAD IO HEA D


Quote by I'mronburgundy?
in addition to all of that, you also win the thread.



Quote by metallica724
>:O littlejoy isnt a creep hes full of win unlike you
#33
Quote by chaimwitz
0 hai thar. mai joke iz rele l0ng! lulzzz



If there was ever a time for a TL;DR, I think it's now.
#57 in UG Top 100 2010!

I really ought to get my username changed...
#34
Quote by Bamitchell
I thought this was gonna be a thread making fun of short people...

I'm depressed now....


Dammit Pit, I expected more of you.



so a midget walks under a bar.......


*rimshot*
v CLICK v



Quote by musicjunkie207
The time I fell on my face on a trampoline and cracked my neck, then proceded to run around the yard in a blind panic screaming "I hope I'm not paralyzed! OH GOD I THINK I'M PARALYZED!"
#35
Quote by PhillyHendrix
So, how about them Russian Gymnasts?

They're always in a hurry!


>_>



PM me about logos and merch

Quote by RU Experienced?
Sorry man, I only know how to program in Db.

Quote by genghisgandhi
I'm so underground that I make up bands and songs in my head and don't tell anyone about them.
#36
You must be at least this tall to ride me.

... Did anyone else think this is a thread where we make fun of people that are vertically challenged?
Quote by Mudmen190
If loving ham makes me gay, I'm Rob Halford.


Quote by musiclover2399
MyNameIsLame just nailed it (actually both his statements did some nailing).


Quote by Oroborous
This is honestly the best first post I've ever seen


^^ Directed at me. E-peen wankery sigs ftw.

My Last.FM
#37
3 men walk into a bar, a scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

╠═══════╬═══════╣

THE ASTRAL PANDA σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

╠═══════╬═══════╣


Last.fm
#38
Quote by speakers
^ I read all that I am dissapoint




My dad had french class with him in grade 9. Westdale Secondary School, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. He knew Eugene Levy too.

Last edited by joemama9119 at Oct 27, 2009,
#39
3 walking down the street
2 guys walk into a bar
the other ducks
There is a war going on for your mind.

If you are thinking, you are winning.


Resistance is victory.


We are building up a new world.
Do not sit idly by.