#1
This is my new original composition titled "Disco Demon". I recorded it along with 7 other tracks i wrote during one complete session using a Fender Jazzmaster, an Acoustic bass amplifier, and a 4 track machine.

I did it during a free period at school LOL.

Well, anyways, i know my voice isnt perfect, my guitar playing sucks, and shit, but this is a song i wrote and im proud of it, and i want other people to listen to it and provide feedback on it. I also hope you enjoy it.........

I would also like some constructive criticism. Real comments about the song, not just "its good" and stuff focusing on the technical aspects of the song. Stuff about the song itself, not this recorded representation of it.

http://www.myspace.com/abehawari
sup, my name is abe
#2
The intro sounds really cool. Very unusual sounding chord voicings.
The vocals fit very nicely. Stuff doesn't sound that great but I'm definatly feeling the idea.
This can be such an amazing song with drums, synth etc. I'm quite impressed by how original alot of the stuff sounds.

Have you ever listened to The Shins?

Nice tune dude!
#3
of course ive listened to the shins lol!

but yeah when i play this song live im gonna have a backing drummer, and maybe a bassist. But i was trying to have a really stripped down thing for the recording, to focus on the songwriting instead of the technical aspects.

Once i practice this song more, i might even add some vocal harmonies or something too. but im definitely re-recording this
sup, my name is abe
#4
As you've said yourself the vocals and actual playing aren't of the highest quality i'll leave that aspect and look at the song as just a quick notepad version of what it might be. It has some interesting ideas. The use of strange voicings and ONLY high chords with vocals is an interesting idea and I can see it working well when properly recorded. If I were to do it myself I'd start that way and then build up to something layered and special! That's just how I work. I also think that using more instruments would help give the different sections of the songs more definition.

Hope that helped some!

Dan
#6
I really liked the first part but overall I think is a little disjointed. The parts don't quite seem to fit together, especially the middle where the recording cracks (the na-na-na-na-la-la... part). You'd be better off concentrating on the arpeggiated part and save the random strumming for another tune. Trim it down to 3-4 minutes and this will be good. Not quite sure how the title relates to the lyrics though.

Since this is a rough demo and you're looking to re-record it there's no point in critiquing the performance.
"If money is the root of all evil, I'd like to be a bad, bad man."

- Huey Lewis & the News
#7
do you think i should have a transition or something between the different parts or somthing?
Or do you think i should completely alter the parts so they fit more within the piece?

I thought having the song be a little disjointed would be nice effect, to throw the listener off and capture their attention or something
sup, my name is abe
#8
sweet page man. i love youre hair lol. anyways i hate lame crits so im not giving you one.

i like youre voice allot. its original. most people here dont even post vocals. i love the melody of this. i like the title and i think it kind of relates to the song. like you said to kind of throw people off a liottle bit. i like the rythem changes. im not sure about all the chicken sounding dat dat dat parts lol. great playing. there is some clipping though. i think it needs to be trimmed down also. i say make it shorter and thats about it. i like everything else. cut out what you think are the weaker parts. and you should be good to go. i love the lyrics about being in youre room ect. i can relate all to well to them. good job man. i think this is something special. makes me wana smoke some herb. good stuff.

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22128301#post22128301