#1
(INTRO)

(VERSE 1)
I wanted something more than this,
While Living in total bliss,
Now you've left and gone for good,
While i've gone right back to where i should,

(BRIDGE)

(CHORUS)
Something more,
Something less,
I wanted you to just please say yes,
Something more,than you,
Total blues.

(VERSE 2)
I wanted something more than this,
Before i hitted and missed,
Now thats it, its over again,
This is the eng of your reign,

(BRIDGE)

(CHORUS)
Something more,
Something less,
I wanted you to just please say yes,
Something more,than you,
Total blues.

(SOLO)

(VERSE 1)
I wanted something more than this,
While Living in total bliss,
Now you've left and gone for good,
While i gone right back where i should,

(CHORUS)
Something more,
Something less,
I wanted you to just please say yes,
Something more,than you,
Total blues.

(OUTRO)

Tell me what do you think, i worked hard on this but it is my first lyrics.
The music with it is bluesy and a LOT of soloing guitar. (why there isn't many lyrics/words) :_)

Guitar:
Gibson Les Paul Studio (Goldy)
Fender American Stratocaster (Blacky)

Amplifier:
Orange Dual Terror Head W/ Orange 1 x 12 Cab
Vox Valvetronix VT30

Pedals/Extras:
BOSS ME-70
BOSS Micro BR

Youtube: DaveTheOriginal
#2
Okay, well, I had an entire crit written out before my internet went ballistic and deleted it. So. I'll condense it down to a quick few sentences.

You gotta fix the grammar mistakes. Hitted is not the proper word, if it is even a word. Also, like the word 'please' in the chorus, needs to be removed, as it messes with the flow of the song. Your syllable balance is off in some parts. By syllable balance i mean the line lengths dont flow right. Like the first two lines dont sound right because the first one is long and the second one is short.

Dont be discouraged in your writings, as very few people are master lyricists as soon as they begin to write. Just keep writing, and I am confident you'll be producing great music in no time.
Quote by skaterskagg1
Gotta have more shaft!

Don't sig that!


Just because you said not too!