#1
crit4crit
IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

With a lack of pick-up lines
Somehow I keep you on your feet
If I can’t be who you want
I’ll be everything you need

I’ll be the god of the gaps
Filling the holes in your world
I’ll be the devil inside
That burns more for you girl

The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false


Baby you’re a queen
So let me be your throne
Heaven ain’t above you
No the gates are down below

So go down and give me the crown
‘Cause you know nobody better
Courted you, your highness
Than this lowly court jester

The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false


I waited so long on your steps
That I became the damn door mat
Your deceit walked all over me
Until the truth broke my back

I dare you, take one more step
And I'll knock you off your feet
Then the only lying that you’ll do
Is when you lie down with me

The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false
Last edited by themarsvolta at Nov 15, 2009,
#3
Quote by themarsvolta
crit4crit
IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

With a lack of pick-up lines
Somehow I keep you on your feet
If I can’t be who you want
I’ll be everything you need
I really like the 2nd and 4th lines. They really make this stanza. "With a lack of pick-up lines" was a great beginning

I’ll be the god of the gaps
Filling the holes in your world
I’ll be the devil inside
That burns more for you girl
I like what your saying here, good imagenary. However, it doesnt seem like it flows well IMO. I could be wrong.

The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false
Alone as a verse, I dont like it. But as a transition stanza, I really like it, because it has the feel of opening up the song for so much more.

And now I’m feeling down
‘Cause I got my head in the clouds
You spin my mind in circles
That’s why I’ll always be around
Dont really like this one much. Doesnt sound right.


Baby you’re a queen
So let me be your throne
Heaven ain’t above you
No the gates are down below
Good stanza, wonderful last two lines. Really makes the stanza work.


So go down and give me the crown
‘Cause you know nobody better
Courted you, your highness
Than this lowly court jester
This seems to me to have sexual undertones. Maybe I've just got a dirty mind. This has kind of a sarcastic and barking tone to it. I like it.


The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false

And now I’m feeling down
‘Cause I got my head in the clouds
You spin my mind in circles
That’s why I’ll always be around

I waited on your steps so long
That I became the damn door mat
Your deceit walked all over me
Until the truth broke my back
This stanza also has a sarcastic feel to it. An angry feeling. Interesting.


But someday soon you’ll take a step
And I’ll sweep you off your feet
Then the only lying that you’ll do
Is when you lie down with me
This seems to go against what you were saying earlier in the song IMO. Before you were angry for being hurt and then all of the sudden this soft forgiving side jumps out. Its a little disconserting.


The only thing worse
Than no hope at all
Is desperately clinging
To a hope that is false

And now I’m feeling down
‘Cause I got my head in the clouds
You spin my mind in circles
That’s why I’ll always be around


I like your writing stlye, I really do. But it was like you changed your whole meaning around right at the end. A little shocking, if i interpreted it right. Good writing sir. Very well done.
Quote by skaterskagg1
Gotta have more shaft!

Don't sig that!


Just because you said not too!