#1
the cup
The light from the sky illuminates the despair
As I sit and gaze into a cup of hope
Alone in this room, dwelling in solitude
Carrying the burden of a languid soul
I try and erase the stain...
The stain your memories have left behind
Trying to forget all we've endured
Clinging to the poison

Lost, as my problems drown
Wandering aimlessly, without you now
Lost, I drink it all away
Here's to love

You were the herald of my happiness
Yet now, I've become a martyr
A fool who cannot abandon his heart
Trying to forget, trying to forgive
Only seems to make it harder
This bitter lust, this, cruel perversion
You seem to retain sustenance knowing I am hurting

Lost, as my problems drown
Wandering aimlessly, without you now
Lost, I drink it all away
Here's to love

Sacrifice meant nothing in your eyes
Shamelessly you hid, every last lie
To me, it became clear, I was simply not enough
So here I stand
Losing my problems within a cup

Lost, as my problems drown
Wandering aimlessly, without you now
Lost, I drink it all away
Here's to love

I gave you something, something that you shouldn't of walked away from...
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#3
Hmm... it's maybe a bit wordy to be sung?? I don't know, some of the stuff I write is long winded like that, and I can't figure out a way to sing it.
But it does make very intriguing poetry, and I especially like the images you conjure up with your wording.
My biggest complaint is that the chorus (?) doesn't really seem to NEED to be repeated in the way that your use it. It just seems like it should have a rhyme at the end, but I'm not sure, it does seem to fit pretty well.
Nicely done.
#4
Dude, you basically wrote this from my life. It pissed me off reading it just cause it painted such a vived picture and reminded me of those scandolous b*tches. As far as a song goes, I do agree that it has an awkward flow, but as a poem it's legit.