#1
I'll C4C! Please gimme some feedback!

Constant pressure
Under watchful eyes
It’s harvest season
Reapers in disguise

Roll up your sleeves
Let the venom in
Suck it back, feel better now?
Just a worldwide sin

Tables are marked, people are scarred,
Just one life, time to make it right

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of trust

Now they’re gathered
Can’t avert their eyes
Blinded, robbed to ruin
Couldn’t catch their flight

Tables are marked, people are scarred,
Just one life, time to make it right

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of trust

*Bridge/Solo*

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of…
Broken sense of…
Broken sense of…
Trust
Last edited by Superstrat101 at Nov 1, 2009,
#3
Quote by Superstrat101
I'll C4C! Please gimme some feedback!

Constant pressure
Under watchful eyes
It’s harvest season
Reapers in disguise

This isn't too shabby, it's a little too cryptic, not giving quite enough away, but that's no real quarral. The only gripe is that the in the final line, the word 'diguise' sounds like it was thought of to rhyme with 'eyes' before the line 'Reapers in disguise' was written.

Roll up your sleeves
Let the venom in
Suck it back, feel better now?
Just a worldwide sin

Herion? If so, it's not too bad of an analogy. The third line is a little bit too long, and interrupts the flow. The final line is slightly detached also.

Tables are marked, people are scarred,
Just one life, time to make it right

I like this stanza, there's nothing really wrong with it at all.

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of trust

This is the best stanza, nothing wrong with it at all, kudos.

Now they’re gathered
Can’t avert their eyes
Blinded, robbed to ruin
Couldn’t catch their flight

This stanza follows suit of the first stanza, it's pretty good, but that final line sounds like it was written to make the half-rhyme of 'flight' and 'eyes'.

Tables are marked, people are scarred,
Just one life, time to make it right

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of trust

*Bridge/Solo*

Hold your tongue, don’t go starting
Weaving a web of words
Tangled up, climb out of the wreckage
Broken sense of…
Broken sense of…
Broken sense of…
Trust

Lyrically, this would work pretty well with music behind it and what not, of course, poetically that is a different story, but it isn't a poem, so all is good.


It isn't too shabby a piece, a few tweaks here and there. It would be better to hear it with music, of course. But otherwise, minus those couple of things, there's nothing wrong with it.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1223352
Gear:

Epiphone Sheraton 1962 50th Anniversary 212TV,

Ibanez TS-9 Tube Screamer,
Dunlop MXR Carbon Copy,
Vox V847 Wah-Wah,

Vox TB35C1.