#1
i walked through the grocery store today
believing that i was better than everyone
from the cashier, to all of the little stupid fat folks
with food stamps clogging up the deli counter

you can hear screaming puerto rican babies
and black jive from the cookie aisle
get your elbow bumped from the smelly man wearing
a wrinkled shirt and a tattered ball cap bearing the name
bud-wiser.

turn the corner into the fruit section
there is an old couple bickering,
over the appearance of a mango
i think to myself that life isn't worth
fighting over 89 cents a pound.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Nov 1, 2009,
#3
This is too detached. "Bearing the name of an alchoholic beverage", it just doesn't connect with me. It's not human.


Make it warmer, less robotic, and it will be fine.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
I found it really hard to care about this at all. It does sound too detached, which can work to your advantage but not in this instance. When I finished I was left with a feeling of "So effing what?"
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#5
life is to short to worry about other people, and your place in society. "so effing what, live your life"
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror